SIGH

Isn't it sad that the person you want to share things the most refuses to hear you out?

Tonight, I cried. I haven't cried since I left Japan (which was February 27 of this year) and I wasn't really CRYING then. My eyes got teary-eyed, is all. But tonight, I cried as if my heart was breaking. It's really hard for me to keep emotions in because I'm a sensitive soul. (If you want to know how sensitive, ask my husband...) I usually have to write my emotions down or share them with Ruther or share them with a friend. I would rather share them with Ruther, of course. But tonight, the emotions were so overwhelming, I was desperate to talk to someone. So I called a friend and he rescued me from deep sorrow. I am not exaggerating. I have felt this sorrow/sadness for quite some time but I wanted to be strong for my family. But again, I am an emotionally-driven woman and I am only as strong as my heart. Let me share this with you. My heart is like a tank. You know, like the tank of a car where you put gasoline in. When my heart tank is full, I feel like I can do anything in the world, even bungee-jump (which is actually one of my greatest fears - free-falling). But when it is low and close to empty, I become desolate and melancholy. Until my tank is filled with hearts of affection, care and love, then I can only do so much, just the way a car will sputter and jerk on a lonely road. You might find the simile funny or even foolish. You might say, "That's crazy! No one stops functioning because they have no love or no one gives them love." But it is true with me. Tonight, I was running on empty - no, I would say my heart tank was below the "empty" line so yes, I needed a pick-me-up badly. So, I was fortunate enough to be able to contact my friend and he gave me the much-needed pick-me-up to boost my spirit. I can't say he completed my day, but well, he gave me enough fuel to keep me going for a few days so yes, I am grateful to him.

Sigh. Such a crazy day. Who would have thought I would be feeling sad at the end of this day?