FORGIVING AND FORGETTING

Being a sensitive person, I always felt that it's difficult for me to forgive and forget. I don't want to say I do forgive or I do forget just for the sake of saying so or merely because of pride. I'm not like that. If I forgive, I forgive. But I can't easily forget. Okay, I know a lot of morally-driven people (my mom included there) who would say, "you cannot say you've forgiven a person if you haven't forgotten his/her transgression against you". Well, since I'm not in the mood to get into a debate, let's just agree to disagree okay? Besides, this isn't what my story is about.

And now I begin. About 5 years ago I think, I had an encounter (a.k.a fight) with a cousin of mine. It was not just me, actually, it was me, my sister, my brother and my cousins against him. It was heated, and yes, there was a lot of shouting. To make the story short, let's just say we were all pissed at my cousin for being irresponsible, inconsiderate, heartless and an ass during a time when he left us stranded for hours at the mall one late and really rainy night. Anyway, when we finally arrived home, all of us were mad at him because it was not the first time he did that to us and it was not the first time he treated us so poorly and inconsiderately (nor was it the second or the third...). We had a "conference" in the living room immediately that night and it was long and it became heated and then his wife intervened. Ruther and I were in our 2nd year of marriage then and he was with me during this "conference" but he didn't butt in. He knew it was our (cousins) misunderstanding/quarrel and so he let us sort it out. But my cousin's wife was terrible. Not only did she interfere but she threw very hurtful words at me which NO ONE, not even my cousins in heated anger EVER said to me. When I say hurtful, I don't mean "I don't like you" hurtful or "you're mean" hurtful. It was "what are you doing in my house, get the hell out of here" kind of hurtful. Of course there were more but I'm sure you get the idea. Anyway, to make the short story even shorter, I never spoke to her again and after my mom talked to her (this was a few days after the "conference") she must have realized that I was really hurt at what she said and so she also avoided me whenever she could.

Fast forward several months/years after. I would see my cousin from time to time. He is after all, our neighbor. When he speaks to me, I talk to him but only cordially. And only because he is older than me and because he is a relative. But his wife, I never spoke to again. The only person I am most comfortable with is their kid. Yes, I talk to their boy. He is already 4 I think. I have learned to forgive my cousin and his wife over the years. I just realized that I don't want to be bothered by negative things anymore. I want to focus more on living life to the fullest and being happy with my family.

Fast forward again present time. Just today, the boys and I were out walking. We passed the front of my cousin's house and I saw his wife there with their son. She suddenly spoke and said, "Ang laki na ni Nikki! (Nikki is so big already!)" And just like that our wall of silence broke, I replied, "Si Wacky rin, malaki na! (Wacky is also big as well!)" She also asked how old Nikki was and I said he was 5. She asked if he was studying already and I said that I'm homeschooling him. She said that that wouldn't be a problem because Nikki is a smart boy. And then we parted ways. After that encounter, I realized that I no longer harbor any resentments towards her at all. I've finally let it go. I suppose if we did not speak, I would continue to think that I was still affected by the words she said to me all those years ago. But after today, I realized that it IS possible to forgive and forget. Well, it might take longer for me to forget, but it IS possible and that's what I've been trying to say. If I were definitely younger, I would say it's easy to forgive but hard to forget. But now, I can finally say with confidence that I CAN forgive and forget.

Okay, you can stop applauding me now. =P