I haven't been in Manila for 3 hours when my mother-in-law dropped the inevitable question: "Isn't Nikki going to school yet?" Sigh. No matter how many times I say it no one seems to take me seriously that I want to homeschool Nikki and Ethan. I have already expressed it again and again and still, out pops the question that irks me a lot: "When are they going to school?" They ARE in school! And for the longest time already! Maybe I should have a sticker made that says "I'm homeschooling my boys, call me stupid" and paste it on my forehead. I just don't know why the idea of homeschooling is so farfetched for someone who is in the field of education (my mother-in-law is a retired elementary school principal). I can't understand how family can't see how much the boys are learning, how much they enjoy learning and how they are enjoying doing things their way. I can't see why I always have to be pressured about this thing when the boys and I are having a lot of fun with homeschooling.
I feel like it's a losing battle. No, not with homeschooling the boys. I feel like no matter how much I express myself and tell people that I intend to homeschool the boys, it will always be like this, it will always be the same. I will always be questioned, I will always be ridiculed and I will always be doubted by people who do not believe in me and my boys. And not only does that suck, it hurts a lot as well.
Another thing, when my mother-in-law asked Nikki if he was going to school, Nikki replied "No". I didn't teach him this. He just replied on his own. When she asked him why, Nikki said, "School is for children, lola (grandma)." (Nikki always tells me that he and Ethan are my babies.) And to that she replied, "Well, what are you? Aren't you a child? If you don't go to school, you will be missing a lot of your childhood." Uh, o-kaaay. If I was going to react to that statement, it wouldn't be a reaction anymore but a debate so I didn't say anything and just kept quiet, but really it took a lot of effort on my part to just take it all in. It's really really hard. Especially when you feel that no one else understands you. I feel like I'm alone in this and I can't even find a suitable support group for heaven's sake! And the ones that truly matter (family, who else?) are the ones who doubt me and who don't believe in me. Sigh. It's like a losing battle, really.
So what am I going to do? Continue homeschooling of course. I'm not crazy enough to stop something that works for the boys and me just because I'm being put down by people. I'm sttronger now than I was before. If this happened years ago, I would cave in to pressure. But now, I know this is something good, something worth fighting for. It won't be easy of course. Homeschooling is never easy, but I still love doing it because my boys love it and because again, it works for us. I've read a lot of success stories in the internet of families who homeschooled their kids and I know that one day, the boys and I will have our own success story too.
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10 comments:
I actually admire you for deciding to homeschool your boys. It's not an easy thing to do, it takes a lot of patience and perseverance I must say.
If your heart and mind tells you that it's the right thing, stand up for it. In the end you will know who will be eating their words..
I know you and your boys will pass homeschooling with flying colors.
Goodluck!
hi yette! i have a 2nd cousin who homeschools his kids. i think usual na ung tanong na bakit? pano ung social skills nung bata, etc? kasi it's something that's not common to pinoys pa kasi. as long as you know that what you're doing is the best for your kids, bayaan mo na lang ung comments nila...
["Well, what are you? Aren't you a child? If you don't go to school, you will be missing a lot of your childhood."]
Gosh! On the contrary, I feel that children put in school early miss more of their childhood. They're kids, they're not even supposed to be cramming over homeworks, diba? Besides, they will be in school for a longer time. They're kids only for so long. Homeschooled or not, I think the important thing is that they learn. Totoo lang, I feel so bad for most kids I know. Imagine being in grade 1 and working 9 to 5? Grabe pa nga kasi me homework pa pag-uwi.
I am not saying of course that I am against traditional schooling. My girls bloom in that environment. Pero sa kanila naman kasi, mas relaxed ang school. They still get to play a lot. They ASK for that kind of environment, that works for them. If your boys are fine with your set-up, then there's probably nothing wrong with it, right?
My mother quit her job as a nurse when I was born to be a stay-at-home mom. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized what a gift she gave us. I listen to other people's stories of childhood and feel very lucky. My mother was always there for us. She taught us piano (until we wouldn't listen to her anymore, then she took us to piano lessons), showed us the world, and perhaps most importantly, answered our questions. She was able to help us navigate life from a more moral and religious point of view than we would have gotten in school, even in the small, religious elementary school we attended. She was able to pass on her values and beliefs through daily activites rather than through formal discussions. I think homeschooling your boys is an amazing opportunity to help them grow into the best people they can be. I know the close relationship I have with my mother is a result of being able to spend so much time learning about things with her as a child.
Sorry I got kind of carried away, but I feel strongly about this. :)
oh my gosh! thank you thank you thank you to all you guys. I really cried when I read your supportive messages. i suddenly thought, "was this all I needed? a tiny push and I'm okay with the world again?" it's truly amazing what a few words from sincere friends could do. now i feel like i'm ready to do battle again.
thanks a lot you guys! mwah!
hello mitzh.
thanks so much for your caring words. really, it's been very difficult being questioned all the time and of course, being me, I really don't want to hurt the feelings of family members. so i just keep quiet (even when I keep on saying that i'll be homeschooling nikki and ethan). sigh. hopefully, this method of ours will be accepted sooner or later (am hoping it'll be sooner though).
take care mitzh!
hello cheryll!
i know it's pretty hard to explain the reasons for homeschooling my kids but to make it short, i could say that the advantages and benefits far outweigh the disadvantages (for me and my boys at least). it's partly because ruther is always away that we agreed that one parent should be with the kids all the time. and with this arrangement, i became an instructor as well as mother and then i realized that i was already homeschooling my boys independently. i researched and read further about it and really, i liked it and thought that it would be great for Nikki and Ethan and so far, we are doing okay. hopefully, despite the lack of support, I will continue to stick to this until the time comes when Nikki and Ethan want to go to traditional school.
thanks for your message cheryll! =D
mio! oh my gosh! we were thinking exactly the same thing about that comment. you know, i could have reacted (badly) at that remark because i really believe that childhood should be prolonged and oh my goodness, I could think of a hundred and one reasons more, which I'm sure you are also thinking of similarly.
but really, it's just so frustrating sometimes, mio. i can't express my views freely because i'm scared of hurting my mother-in-law but she just keeps on going, on and on. of course, i ruther was here, i'd ask him to talk to her but he isn't so it's harder. sigh.
anyway, as long as i have friends who understand me and support me, i know I can handle this.
thanks mio! mwah!
Amy! thanks so much! you really really strengthened my resolve to keep at this and to focus on the boys more than those silly comments. i really appreciate your narrative about your mom. that is exactly what I want to be, a mom who allows her kids to grow on their own, to let them learn about life on their own and to pursue their dreams and not what other people want them to be. i want them to be as you said it, "the best people they can be."
you don't know how much your story touched me. thanks so much, amy! =D
Hi, girl! Nako, parents-in-law are a different story kasi. Kahit ako naman, e. Everything was fine until there were kids. Nag-c-contrast lahat ng styles, from feeding to disciplining to taking care of the kids when they're sick. We were raised differently and so were they. Worse is that, she had her own style rearing her kids na din. I know naman, well-meaning naman for the kids yung intentions nila, pero being new moms, a new challenge for us, we want to do good on our own. If only they'd remember how they wanted to be independent in their decisions when they were younger. It's not as if we haven't thought deeply about our decisions, diba.
And I know. However I felt strongly about things, I just couldn't say anything at all for fear of offending the elders. Mahirap, pero I figured, hindi na lang ako kikibo and I'll keep on doing what I feel I need to do. Ganun din naman, ang difference lang, I might encourage more tension by engaging an argument.
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