ARRGH!

I can't help being depressed and it's driving me nuts!! I try to focus on the rest of the week, the things we have to do, planning Ruther's birthday but my mind always screeches to a halt and then my heart caves in and I get sad again. I haven't cried yet, which I think is good. But I don't know how I'll be once Ruther's actually far away. I always get scared about that part. It's like preparing for this huge exam and you just don't want it to come but at the same time, you want it over with. Sigh. Will I be okay next week? Stay tuned...

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We're going to have a physical exam tomorrow, all four of us. We already prepped Nikki about it and he's kind of excited. Ethan I'm sure will not be too happy. The examination will take place in a building just a stone's throw away from Ruther's office. We'll be going with him tomorrow when he leaves for work and maybe after the exam, the boys and I will hang out at ATC. I'm sure they'll love that. I'm looking forward to checking the bookstores and of course, Daiso. When I'm in that store, I just feel like I'm back in Japan. I just miss it so much. Anyway, hope all goes well tomorrow. If it goes as planned, by the time we come home, I'll just have enough energy to take a shower and go to bed.