FEBRUARY

It's February. And then suddenly I feel as if a cloud is over my head. In a few days, Ruther and will be apart again. That is definitely something I am NOT looking forward to.

It's 545am in the morning. I hear Ruther snoring softly in the background. I don't know why I am up at this time (I'm supposed to be awake at 630am). Maybe I just have this need to be consciously aware of Ruther. Maybe I just needed some quiet time with my thoughts. Maybe I just need to gather my strength and breathe.

Right now I feel reall scared. It's not fun at all knowing that Ruther and I only have a short time left together. It's really really bugging me. Right now, I have this growing pain in my chest that pinches my heart whenever I try to take a big breath. You know when you cry and you have a hard time swallowing sometimes? Well it's like that. It's like I have difficulty breathing which only gets worse whenever I think of Ruther's looming departure date. I just can't stand it.

I really don't know why we are constantly pushed in this situation. I mean, all I ever wanted for my family was for us to be together. Is that so unbelievably hard? Like I said in a previous post, it's times like this that I really really feel that life is so unfair.

You're no fun at all, February.