RAISING CONFIDENT BOYS

I am currently reading a book by Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer titled Raising Confident Boys. I got this book at Booksale and I was hesitant to buy it at first because I had already picked a lot of books to purchase then but when I browsed through it, I liked what I saw. And after reading the first few pages (I read one tip every night before going to sleep), I thought that it was a very handy book. Not only will it help me deal with my boys' temperaments but it will also provide me with insight on how to be a more understanding and loving parent. I really liked the straight-to-the point tips that I decided to share them with Ruther. So, I email him a tip a day so that together, we would be able to develop our boys' self-esteem, be more sensitive to their needs and teach them self-discipline to help them achieve their goals in life.

Here are a couple of tips from the book:

1. Boys Need Love, Too

Boys often seek love in roundabout ways from parents and other adults close to them. When they are old enough to make sense of what it means to be male, they may decide this means feeling love but not being soft enough to show or want it.
It can be hard for a boy to accept that being boisterous, and sometimes difficult and destructive, works comfortably with also needing to lose oneself in the warmth and safety of a hug. This may even be harder for older boys, particularly if the arms are female. So boys often use more aggressive tactics to get the love they need than do girls, who have far less emotional distance to travel to claim their emotional birthright.
If he's just jumped on you from behind or given you a painful punch, this can mean that he needs your love, so it is better to respond affectionately than to lash out. Your goal should be to reduce the parental ties gradually without leaving him feeling emotionally stranded and abandoned.

*You can show love by being interested in his ideas, paying attention to and doing things with him, and understanding his feelings.
* Giving special tasks to certain boys who lack confidence can make them feel significant, noticed, reliable and trustworthy.


2. Show that you understand him

All children find being misunderstood extremely frustrating. It starts as an irritation, but when the mistake persists, a boy will begin to question whether his version of himself is normal, reasonable and justified. When boys see their wishes as continuously ignored or misinterpreted, they feel not only humiliated but also increasingly resentful, angry and, most damaging, self-doubting.
You can show understanding by anticipating his needs and - carefully - expressing his possible thoughts. You can say things such as "I guess you're feeling left out. Am I right?" This gives him room to disagree, and keeps you from coming across as infuriatingly all-knowing - and possibly wrong.

*Accept how he sees the world. He doesn't have to agree with you, nor you with him.
*Value his uniqueness. Tell him what you like about him.
*Look behind his behavior for possible causes and feelings. Let him know you understand.
*Remember his likes and dislikes.