(UN)PERFECT MOM

Firstly, a happy mom's day to all the mothers out there! You are all wonderful ladies! God bless!

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My mom left yesterday for Zamboanga. But Nikki and I made a little "Happy Mother's Day" poster for her. She liked it. We also made one for my sis, who is like a second mom to the boys. She liked it too. I think it was because there was a photo of her with the boys on it. :)

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I know my mom is not perfect. But I know she loved me the best way she knew how. I know I have some minor issues with the way I was brought up (took me years to reassess my life), with the way they handled my temperament/personality (i'm very sensitive - and that's an understatement) and I suppose it took me sometime to understand that years ago, uniformity in discipline was the norm. Coming to Manila and opening my eyes to the world showed me that I should not let my sheltered childhood be the same for Nikki and Ethan. I want more for my boys. And I have prepared for it. I've taken a Child Psychology course, I've read lots of parenting books, and the most challenging thing I've ever done was to decide to homeschool my boys. People may ask me why I've made such decisions and choices and all I know is that I want my boys to have so much more. I'm not talking about the material stuff here, I'm talking about family relationships, values and self-confidence. I want my boys to realize later on that I've made these choices because I want them to be who they want to be and not what the world wants them to be. When I was young, I thought I knew everything. Boy, was I wrong. I knew everything in my little world but outside it, I was just overwhelmed, awed and intimidated. And then I became silent. I just felt as though I didn't fit in. And I lost my voice. And I don't want my boys to become like me.

Don't get me wrong. My mom is not bad at all. It's just that she preferred to love me and my siblings closely. And I know she had our best interests at heart but in the end, it just stunted my growth. I want my boys to experience life; not when they are in college already but right now, at this minute. I want them to look forward to everyday, to have fun in learning new things and to always have that fire in them.

I know that's a tough job but this is my career. I knew I would always be a mom, even when I was in Grade School, I knew I was going to get married at 25 (I was actually 24 when I married Ruther) and that I would have 6 kids. Okay, I know I'm 4 kids short but I'm not an idiot. I know when to be practical. But that's beside the point.

I know, like my mom, I may not be perfect. But I've prepared for this. I've studied, I've read, I've been informed. The only thing I can do right now is to nurture my boys, to understand their weaknesses, to applaud their strengths, to fuel their thirst for knowledge and to love them unconditionally.

And hope that -for now - that would be enough.