6 DAYS TO GO...

Well, the delivery guy came and got the balikbayan box this morning. So I guess it's on its way to Manila. But we will get home first before the box does since its shipping is around 2 weeks. I hope everything in there is intact.

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I started my packing today after the man got the box. I figured that I should start fixing the loft so Ruther won't have a hard time going back there after we're gone. When we were not around, he slept there but when we tried that a few nights after we arrived, it was a bit too tight. So, we sleep in the living area and just put the futons on the carpet. The futons also help muffle all the jumping and running the boys do so I guess it's okay that we're sleeping here.

Anyway, Ruther has been reminding me to keep the baggages light so I'm thinking of leaving some of our clothes here for Ruther to send later on in another balikbayan box. We still have the stuffed toys to send, his robot collection and the boys' and my clothes so I suppose it's all right to leave some things here instead of having difficulty on our flight home. I just hope I won't leave something important! I really get worried about things like this.

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Thinking back, our 6 months here in Japan has really been surreal. This is the first time we have been together as a family in another country and it's a relief to know that it CAN work. Hopefully, our plans to migrate will push through and we will be able to see another new place, make new memories as a family and build our future from there. I really really want Nikki and Ethan to experience as many opportunities as possible and I know that it's not entirely possible in the Philippines. Hopefully, God will grant this to us later on. I DO want Ruther and me to eventually wake up to a morning in our beautiful home and not worry about being late for work. I want us to be comfortable and happy. It's not important to me that we're not filthy rich. As long as we're happy, healthy and have everything we need then it's okay.

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Ruther has been pushing me to find out what I want to do career-wise. He said I'm 30 and haven't worked full-time yet. It's not easy for me to just snap my fingers and decide on something. It's not easy to simply decide on something that will affect my boys, my family. If I wanted to be something and not consider other aspects (salary, family, effort, time), I would probably be an environmentalist, a preschool teacher, a dog breeder, a professional badminton player, a person working for the Discovery Channel or I'll probably be working with animals. But those are just dreams. To live my life for my family is the greatest joy I could ever have. But again, in the real world, that's not enough. Ruther has been giving me "What if something happens to me" scenario and really that almost crushed me because I feel so pressured to do something that my heart is not into. I don't want a 9-5 job. I don't want someone else to watch my kids grow up. I don't want my boys to get an institutionalized education. I want something better than that. Also, I want a job that won't take me away from my family. I want something that will earn money but still give me the freedom and flexibility to take care of my family. I DO have ideas (well, oneactually), but unfortunately, my ideas and Ruther's ideas don't necessarily cohere so I have to think things through again. I suppose at this confusing time in my life (career-wise), I just wanted a little bit of support from my hubby.

I have made it my goal to find out what I can do to help Ruther and my boys once I get back home. It will be hard, I know, but I cannot just give Ruther just moral support any longer.