ANOTHER YEAR OLDER

Well, my birthday has come and gone. I won't even dwell on it. I (used to) love special occasions. I (used to) get all giddy and excited when it's a special holiday or when a family member is celebrating their special day. I still feel happy about their birthdays. Mine however is another matter. For me it's just another day. It simply means that I'm another year older. I don't mind getting old. That's not even an issue with me.

The best gift I received for my birthday was not wrapped in fancy paper or worth a penny. But it was even greater than that. I got what I needed. And I was ever so glad that I got it from a really special person. Because truly, I wouldn't know what I would have done if that person wasn't there for me.

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I know I've been a wet blanket for the past weeks. I'm sorry about that. It's not that I want to be this depressing person. I just wrote what I felt. And believe me when I say half of what I wrote doesn't even come close to what I truly felt then. When I say "sad" or "depressed" or "low", multiply that by a hundred thousand and maybe you'll have an idea. (Do I imagine you nodding your head now?)

Anyway, I'm taking baby steps. Starting the healing process and such. It's definitely not easy but at least I know I have an angel to watch over me this time around.

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And now for some good news. We finally got our Certificate of Eligibility from Japan. Yes, we could finally apply for our visa, which I did yesterday. Friday was my birthday and I didn't feel like going to Makati so it was a good thing the accredited agency was open on a Saturday. I left the house at 645 in the morning and was in Makati at 730 which was way too early because the agency opened at 8am. I had to wait but I didn't mind because I was first in line and everything went well so far. Upon checking, the agent verified that our documents were complete. That was a relief. I paid P6,900 for everything. The agency fee was P900 (each) and the visa was P1400 (each) which isn't so bad I suppose. All I have to do now is wait.

I remember the last time we applied for our visa. I was so elated when we got it. This time around I'm just waiting for our passports to arrive. If we get our visa, okay. If not, okay. I don't want to have to pretend that I'm all excited and giddy and anxious when I'm honestly and truthfully not. Just goes to show that so much can change in just a few months. Sometimes I think I don't even recognize myself anymore.

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Today is my brother's birthday. He's 4 years younger than me. Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. She's a whole year older. Yup, we were all born in the same month. Cool, right? I suppose it's great that my siblings and I have the same birth month. We do have different personalities but ending up in the same month somehow makes us understand one another in a sharing-the-same-horoscope way. I can't even remember if we fought. We did have some little grudges but never major fights. And whenever my sister and I would have a misunderstanding, we would express ourselves through letters. It's just the way we are. We really find it a whole lot easier to share serious and private issues through writing.

This is perhaps the first time ever that we didn't get to do anything for our birthdays. We usually go out and have dinner somewhere or my mom would come over and spend our birthdays with us. But this year, it's different. It's a whole lot of different. Not that I mind. With the state that I'm in, I'm really in no mood for revelry. But of course, I did greet my brother today and will greet my sis tomorrow. I might bring the boys to the mall tomorrow so we could buy some presents for them. Being not in the mood for a celebration doesn't mean I don't love my siblings enough to get them presents. Never mind me. I want them to be happy on their special days.