I might be pregnant.
Well, after 2 pregnancy test kits screaming "positive" at me, I guess I can't deny it any longer. I just have to say it matter-of-factly. But I'm not sure I have the strength to do so.
2009 was a difficult year for me. I just don't want to be emotionally stressed and overwhelmed this 2010. I just feel so unprepared. It's not that I don't want to be pregnant. I was just taken by surprise. Ethan was a surprise as well when I was pregnant with him but he's such a joy, I can't imagine life without him. I suppose I want our next baby to be a girl because I think this will probably be the last time I'd want to get pregnant again and I SO want to give Ruther a baby girl. I've been asking myself, if it's another boy, will I still want to get pregnant a few years later? Probably not. I mean, we have to be practical. It's not cheap raising a family. Not unless Ruther finds a really great job or we migrate to another country where we could live and grow together as a family with both of us earning, having a fourth baby will just be so difficult.
I have yet to tell someone. I'm telling Ruther tonight. I'm sure he's thinking already that I'm pregnant because I've been lamenting these past few days that I haven't had my period yet. I wonder how he'll react.
I don't know what my mom will say. A couple of years ago she was sort-of saying that having the boys is enough because it would be hard to have another child. Well, I'd have to tell her sooner or later. Maybe later.
I have to tell my in-laws too I guess. But I'm just not up to it right now because I'm sore about something that transpired a few weeks ago. I'll let them know when my tummy is showing.
I suppose Nikki is the most excited about having a new baby sister or brother. But he'd rather have a baby sister, he said, because he already has a brother. Sigh.
I guess this means I have to start crocheting baby stuff now...
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2 comments:
Oh, Yette...that's wonderful news! Congratulations! Babies are always a blessing.
I've had to go 'unplugged' for a while because my daily life got pretty hectic, so I was just now catching up on your blog. Looks like you had fun while Ruther was home. Love all the new family photos you;ve posted.
You take good care of yourself, litle mama.
Oh, Yette, that's wonderful! I know it may not completely seem like it now, maybe after this rough patch you'll be able to be more joyful about it. :)
I don't think you *have* to tell anyone about it until you're ready. Sure, they're your family, but if you're not ready, you're not ready. Wait until it feels right to tell them.
As for it being more difficult this time, my grandmother had 5 daughters. She said that after 2, she hardly felt like she needed the doctor there anymore, she was a pro. :)
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