I am 35 years old. And yet I feel as thought I haven't lived yet. I mean, REALLY lived yet.
Sure, I have kids. I'm married. I've traveled. But I don't feel as though this is it. I don't feel that completeness in me yet. Perhaps I have so much to discover still. Besides, my bucket list is far from being completed at this time. I think, no, I feel I have much to learn and much to give and I have to find out what I'm really meant to do in this life.
I think it's silly that kids are asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" because honestly, I didn't have a darn clue what I wanted to be. I think I just gave whatever answer pleased the person asking. How about a mom? A wife? Does that qualify? I think kids should be asked, "What are your interests?" and then gather information about their prospective occupations from their replies. Wouldn't that be a better question?
I feel as though I have only woken up. I'm halfway through my life and yet I feel there is still so much more for me out there. Is this a farfetched dream? Am I just looking at the world through rose-colored glasses? I think not. There was a time in my life when I was so blinded. Blinded by so many things. But I woke up and now, I know reality from fantasy. And I know that there's something for me out there. And I just have to find it.
Don't get me wrong. I love my family to death. I wouldn't sacrifice so many things for them if I didn't love them the way I do. But I also know that in the future, I need to look out for myself too. To do the things I've always wanted to do. To try the things I've always wanted to try. To visit places I've always wanted to see. I want to read all the books I could in a day. Dress funny and not mind when people look and stare. Take photographs of people and places and to reminisce them all over hot chocolate (am cutting down on my coffee). To look at the world in a whole new light. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
Yes, I think there is so much more for me out there. Is it too much to hope for? Maybe not.
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1 comment:
I've been reading your blog for a couple of years now and never commented, just lurked. However, today i read my own thoughts on your post. I feel too that i haven't lived yet. I have a happy family, a nice life and gread kids but i still don't know what i really want to do with myself. I feel like i've been going with flow and i need to make a stop to reconsiderate things. But life doesn't stop, so i have to do it on the run and that makes it harder. I hope you find your call, that thing that will make you feel accomplished as a person -- not only as mother or as a wife--. Keep on working and you'll get there. Regards from Mexico
Ana
Ps. Start to dress funny and silly now! Use bright colors, it's time to brighten your closet and stop caring about what people say about your clothes, we're too old for that!
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