It's not easy being a mom of three boys. Sometimes, I forget myself. Sometimes I don't remember if I shampooed my hair when I took a bath this morning. It happens. A lot even. But when I stop and think of the many things I share with my boys, of being a stay-at-home mom, of knowing their every quirk and mood, I just feel proud. I know not many people will see it like that. I know many belittle mothers like me, but I just can't bring myself to part from my boys at this time. I want to spend as much time as I can with them. As much as I would love to have a career, I also know that my desire to be with my children outweighs anything else I would ever want for myself. When Enzo gets a bump on his head and reaches out for me for comfort, I know that to him, I'm not just anybody. When Ethan comes to me and spews a strange story that no one else could understand, I know that he's sharing something important with me. When Nikki is silent and brooding, I know that he has deep thoughts and I'm careful to leave him in peace. These are little things for other people but to me, they mean so much. I WANT to be there for my family. I want to tend to their every need, to discipline them (yes, even Ruther!), to teach right from wrong, to encourage, to give affection, to open their eyes to the world, and to love like no one else could.
These past few days, I've been thinking of getting a job. I know it will help our family in our current financial situation. I know Ruther's earning good money but of course, it wouldn't hurt to have some money stashed away for emergencies, right? I've been checking ads and such and it always bothered me that I would be away from the boys. Then I thought to myself, "If you want to work and be with the boys, you have to make it work. If other moms could do it, why not you?" So now, I'm doing that. Finding ways of earning money while being with my boys. Tough? For sure! It's no walk in the park. But I know the right job will come to me if I search hard for it. And of course, with the help of people.
So yes, life can be crazy. And it is at the moment. But it doesn't mean I give up or lament endlessly or lose focus. I just have to know what I want, find a way to get it, and grab it. And maybe with a little luck, I might just succeed.
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