TRYING TO BE

As I thought, Ruther was excited about the baby when I told him I was pregnant. He reassured me that having a baby now, while I'm in my early 30s, would be better (and safer) than having one later on in life. I suppose he has a point there. But I still can't figure out how I feel about the whole thing. I guess I'm a lot like Keri Russell in the movie The Waitress. She wasn't ready to have a baby too. But that doesn't mean I'm not doing what I can to keep the baby safe and healthy. I take my folic acid, I drink milk, I make sure I stay away from people who are smoking and for the first time in 6 years, I am going to start reading What To Expect When You're Expecting again. I just wish the future was not so uncertain, you know.

I'm scared that I'm going to get real fat again. It's been hard losing weight after I had Nikki and Ethan. And I'm sure it'll be even harder this time around with my even slower metabolism. Sigh.

I'm scared that we won't be financially stable or prepared for the expenses that another baby will bring. I suppose this is typical for every family with another baby arriving but I can't help worrying about vaccinations, hospital bills, the birthing, the layette, etc. I KNOW I'm getting ahead of myself but it's a really daunting thought.

I asked Ruther that we talk seriously about making plans for the future. I told him that I will simply NOT allow him to leave me after the baby is born. No more separations and leaving me to take care of the kids alone. I suppose he realized that I've had enough and he agreed to make plans with me.

Sigh. I wasn't this paranoid when I had Ethan. I mean, sure, I worried, but I wasn't this worried. I suppose I should stop doing this to myself until I make my appointment with my Ob/Gyn. A fetal heartbeat might just be the thing I need to snap me out of this weird thinking.

BREAKING NEWS

I might be pregnant.

Well, after 2 pregnancy test kits screaming "positive" at me, I guess I can't deny it any longer. I just have to say it matter-of-factly. But I'm not sure I have the strength to do so.

2009 was a difficult year for me. I just don't want to be emotionally stressed and overwhelmed this 2010. I just feel so unprepared. It's not that I don't want to be pregnant. I was just taken by surprise. Ethan was a surprise as well when I was pregnant with him but he's such a joy, I can't imagine life without him. I suppose I want our next baby to be a girl because I think this will probably be the last time I'd want to get pregnant again and I SO want to give Ruther a baby girl. I've been asking myself, if it's another boy, will I still want to get pregnant a few years later? Probably not. I mean, we have to be practical. It's not cheap raising a family. Not unless Ruther finds a really great job or we migrate to another country where we could live and grow together as a family with both of us earning, having a fourth baby will just be so difficult.

I have yet to tell someone. I'm telling Ruther tonight. I'm sure he's thinking already that I'm pregnant because I've been lamenting these past few days that I haven't had my period yet. I wonder how he'll react.

I don't know what my mom will say. A couple of years ago she was sort-of saying that having the boys is enough because it would be hard to have another child. Well, I'd have to tell her sooner or later. Maybe later.

I have to tell my in-laws too I guess. But I'm just not up to it right now because I'm sore about something that transpired a few weeks ago. I'll let them know when my tummy is showing.

I suppose Nikki is the most excited about having a new baby sister or brother. But he'd rather have a baby sister, he said, because he already has a brother. Sigh.

I guess this means I have to start crocheting baby stuff now...

CORON DAY 2 CONT...

Okay, let's continue... :D

After Banol Beach (and eating a hearty lunch) we then proceeded to our next stop: Skeleton Wreck. Here's a description of it from pacificwrecks.com:

12-16m deck, 25m bottom, Freighter, Length 137m. Possibly the Taiei Maru, lying on its starboard side in Coron Bay. This is a beautiful wreck dive site where you can observe groupers, sweetlips, occasionally turtles and sea snakes. Hard corals cover the port side, which is only 12 to 16 meters below the surface. Many scorpion fish hang out around the wreck area. The big cargo rooms and the engine room allow easy penetration of this wreck for Wreck Diver Certified divers. If you dive from 10 AM to 2 PM on a sunny day you get a cathederal like effect from the beams of sunlight entering the cargo holds through the holes in the port side. The two massive boilers in the center of the ship are a big attraction on this dive. You can pass behind the boilers and see the damage resulting from one of the bomb strikes that disabled the ship. It is possible to do a swim-through and pass from bow to stern without exiting the ship.

Makes me wish I knew how to dive. It must be really exciting to see the ship up close - as long as there aren't any sharks of course. Anyway, at the site, I couldn't dive down because of my life jacket but I was able to take photos of some parts of the boat/ship. The way the ship looked creeped Ruther out a bit. Well, it did look creepy so we focused on feeding the fish (again!). The boys meanwhile just swam away in their floaties.

After Skeleton Wreck, we then headed to CYC Beach. CYC stands for Coron Youth Club. It had white sand on the shore and looked nice as we approached. But I was so disappointed when we neared the beach because there was a lot of trash lying about. I hated that. I found out that CYC Beach was open to the public and I just wish some people would be more consciencious about where they throw their trash. For goodness sake it doesn't take a lot of effort to bring your trash home! Argh! It just makes me so mad! Anyway, we were still able to take good photos of the area (minus the trash) with some mangrove trees. Suffice to say we didn't stay very long at that beach.

Our last stop was at Twin Lagoon. From travelandleisures.blogspot.com:

The Twin Lagoon nestled in the largest limestone formation which is called the Calis Mountain, which is actually the Coron Island. The Twin Lagoon is divided by limestone wall and is connected by a small and narrow opening. The inner lagoon is only visible and can only be access during low tide. One must have a diving skill to get to the inner lagoon during high tide.
The outer lagoon has a number of sea urchins and the temperature of the water is a little warmer compare with the inner lagoon which is cooler and deeper and more serene.

The water in this area is brackish, our tour guide said. He told us that fresh water usually floats on top while the salt water stays below. When I looked through the camera lens, the water appreared blurry. The guide said that's how it would look when the fresh and salt water mixes. But he added that about a meter below the surface, the water would be clear again. The temperature of the water was also weird. There were areas where it was cool but other areas were cold! Again, the mixing of the waters. Anyway, when we got to Twin Lagoon we were pleased to find out that we could swim below the wall to get to the inner lagoon because it was low tide. If it was high tide then we would have had to climb this ladder to get to the inner lagoon which would have been not as fun as swimming underneath the wall. It was so cool swimming through the gap. It was like going through a small limestone tunnel. We had to be careful though because the rocks were sharp! Only Jojo, Ruther, I went into the inner lagoon. It was majestic. It was like a secret place for mermaids. Really wonderful. The boys stayed in the outer lagoon with the boatmen who kept them company. Ethan did yell for us to come out NOW! Sigh...

Anyway, Twin Lagoon was our final stop so we then headed back to Coron tired but happy. Even the boys found the experience fun which is always a good thing. :D

Day 3 tomorrow!

CORON DAY 2

Day 2 started at 7am with breakfast. It was covered in the package and we had a choice of a Filipino set breakfast or an American one. We got 2 Filipino and 2 American set meals. Yummy and filling.

We left the hotel at 8am in a tricycle and headed to Lambingan dock where our banca was waiting for us. Our tour guide was with us all the way. While at the dock, Ruther and I took photos while our guide readied everything for the trip to the islands. We finally left after a few minutes and headed to our first stop: Siete Pecados. Siete Pecados (or 7 sins) represent the 7 small islets surrounding the area. It's actually a marine sanctuary, I found out later. I was the first in the water (after asking my guide about sharks which he said there weren't) and once I put my head underwater there were so many fish!! They were just swimming all over me. It was amazing. I love to snorkel so I just snorkeled away and took photos. Once, our tour guide (named Jojo) dived a few meters below me and brought up these big triangle-shaped fish! It was amazing I just had to try it. Since I had my life vest on (and I can't swim well), I couldn't dive down to the area where the fish were. Finally after much coaxing, I managed to feed a few!! I was scared it was going to bite my finger off I quickly let go of the bread before it snatched it away. But it was so cool. Good thing Ruther took a photo of me feeding the fish. Anyway, after an hour or so (couldn't really remember), we went back to the banca and headed for our next stop.

Kayangan Lake is "a fresh water lake hidden behind limestone rocks amidst small mountains". We actually had to climb these steps up and down a small hill before getting into the lake itself. In other words we did a mini-hike to reach it. I was panting a bit when we reached the beautiful lake. I thought at first "this looks pretty plain". But was I wrong. Underwater, I found the most amazing rock formations. Since the water was fresh, it was so clear. I took Ruther's photo and it looked like he was flying over mountains of rocks. It was so cool. Then Jojo told me that there was a small cave on the eastern wall of the lake. Of course I had to check that out. It was cool. The cave entrance was small (one person could go in and out while avoiding the rough walls) but it was cool and wider inside. When you reached the inner part and looked up, you'd see a hole above where some light could pass through. I felt like a mermaid. :P Anyway, we didn't stay too long at Kayangan lake and headed to our next stop: Banol Beach.

Banol Beach is "just one of the many white sand beaches you can find on the island of Coron, Palawan. It is a small, cozy beach" and there were less than a dozen small huts along the shore which you can rent (but that's covered in our package). We also stopped here for lunch which is again, covered in our package. It was a buffet lunch with rice, barbequed chicken, roasted squid, ensaladang talong (eggplant salad) , crab, bananas, sodas and bottled water. It was a yummy lunch and I don't usually eat eggplant like that but I didn't want to offend our tour guide so I tried some and it was surprisingly delicious! I had a few more spoonfuls after that. :D Anyway, the boys didn't feel like eating but after a while, Nikki came out of the water and ate lunch. Ethan, as usual, didn't want to eat rice. Sigh. After resting a bit, we headed back to the water while tourists (mostly Caucasians) sun bathed. We then took more photos and then headed back out once more onto our banca.

more stories tomorrow... :D

BACK TO "NORMAL"

Well our vacation is over, Ruther is back in Japan and I'll be going back to work on Monday. So I suppose everything is back to "normal".

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We had a lot of fun at Palawan this past week. There were some minor setbacks (like the travel agency did not inform the hotel shuttle that we were arriving but fortunately when we arrived at the airport there were other passengers booked at the same hotel so we hitched a ride) but other than those, it was still a pleasant and wonderful experience.

We arrived at Busuanga around 1020 in the morning. We had to take a 45-minute ride to Coron where the city proper was located. Along the way there was nothing but grasslands, mountains in the background, cows, and ranches. Reminded me of the outback (seen from movies of course). We got to the hotel and after a few minutes of waiting our room was ready. We rested for a bit and then had lunch. Since we slept pretty late the night before, we all took a refreshing nap to prepare ourselves for the afternoon tour.

We started at 4pm. You'd think it was pretty late but it was hot that day. We went around the city (running tour) and realized how tiny it was. We saw the dock, the Catholic church (only one), the public market, the plaza and the city hall. We then proceeded to the foot of Mt. Tapyas, the tallest hill/mountain in the island. We had to climb 724 (or is it 726?) steps to get to the top. It was such a relief to finally get to the view deck after pausing every other flight of stairs to catch our breath. The view on the top was spectacular. Really great to see the water, the islands scattered about with the sun setting behind pale blue clouds. We asked our guide to take our photo with the huge cross in the background. It turned out great!

After going down Mt. Tapyas, our next stop was Maquinit Hot Springs, which was around 15 minutes away. We got there at dusk. It felt sooo good soaking our tired muscles in the hot water but Ethan kept on yelling "OWWW! OW! OWWWWW!" everytime he tried to put a toe into the water. *roll eyes* Well, it was pretty hot. I read that the temperature of the water ranges from 38 - 40 degrees C. I guess that's why it's named Maquinit (which means "hot"). Hmmmm... I smell a redundancy there... (Maquinit HOT Springs?) Anyway, I also read that the entrance fee is P100 per person but our tour package covered that as well as dinner that night. We stayed for a couple of hours then we headed back to the hotel to prepare for the next day.

second day report continues tomorrow... :D

A NEW YEAR HAS DAWNED

It's the new year, everyone!!

Been so busy these past weeks. As expected. Mama's helper went home to the province for the holidays so I had to take care of chores around the house, not to mention attend to my family's needs so I was pretty much on my toes most of the time. Not that I mind.

Things are starting to slow down now that Christmas will be officially over on Wednesday. (Jan 6 in the Philippines marks the end of Christmas festivities, being the Feast of the Three Kings.) But I still have work tomorrow and from Tuesday til Thursday we'll be going to Palawan (woohoo!) and then Jan 8, Friday, Ruther will be flying back to Japan. Sad. So yeah, it'll still be pretty busy this week. But definitely exciting with the trip to Palawan... Can't wait!

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Work has been great! I started with 2 students. Ha Jung, a cute 8 year-old girl, is my 9-11 class. Chang Min, 12 years old, is my 11-12 class. Then last week, I was given another student, Hyung Jin, for my 8-9 class. So I have 3 students. The lessons are okay. I've learned to adjust to each student's personalities and quirks. Ha Jung is smart but get tired when I let her read all the time so we take shorts breaks in between readings. Chang Min always thinks his lessons are difficult (which in my opinion is somewhat advanced for him but we have to follow his reading material) so I have to create lessons or reviewers that are not too challenging for him and yet allows him to learn the vocabulary words. Hyung Jin is the smartest of the 3 but he's somewhat aloof and moody. The other day he refused to read the story he was supposed to learn. I would ask him questions and he would not say a thing. Finally, I asked him what the matter was and why he wasn't talking to me. He still didn't say anything. I prodded and told him we can't do lessons if he won't talk to me and finally he told me he was feeling hot in the room. I told him to tell me these things because it's not nice for him to ignore me like that. Sigh. I did not lose my temper or anything like that but the OC in me would want our lessons to be smooth-sailing, ya know? Anyway, I hope not to have episodes like that anymore in the future.

Going back to work, I find it nice and fun. I suppose that's probably because I decided to work part-time and this way, I'm not too stressed about lessons and I could focus on my 3 students very well. I guess I would want it to be like that. I want my work to be fun, especially since I would want to go home from work in a happy mood and not all cranky and surly. So yeah, I suppose this is a nice thing for me to do at the moment... :D

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So far the new year has turned out nicely. Ruther being home is a big part of it, naturally. I still don't know what's going to happen in the next few months, what more the rest of the year, but I hope that this year will be better than last year. If I could have that, then that would be enough for me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Welcome 2010!! :D