THROUGH THE LENS

Ruther says I have to post more photos of Enzo. I must say he's right. The problem is having to sort through hundreds of photos and picking the nice ones. Whatta problem, right? I'm sure years before, the problem would have been arranging the developed photos in photo albums. These days, with all the photos available, you just don't know which one to pick. Yep. That's technology for you.

I usually -when I find the time - browse through our photos in Ruther's iPhoto and the many photos we have in there is just amazing. The stories they tell, the memories they stir, the emotions they evoke... it's just indescribable.

Have you watched the movie "Sabrina"? The 1995 one with Harrison Ford and Julie Ormond? Well, she went to Paris and learned photography and there was this thing she said to Linus (Ford) that went:

"Every time, I look through a camera I’m surprised. It’s like finding yourself in the middle of a story, like you just did. What kind of a guy takes a job keeping a light house? I think I’ve been taking pictures all my life, long before I ever had a camera."

I feel exactly the same way. I feel that I've been taking photos my whole life but just finding it a tad hard to record them in my memory banks. Nevertheless, I love the stories they tell and all the happy memories they bring. Years before, I used to worry about losing all my photo albums. I worried that those memories will be gone forever. Yeah, call me a sentimental fool but those are memories to be treasured forever.

When I look at photography books, I am always curious at the story or stories behind the photo. What lies behind those expressive eyes? I am amazed at how much life is preserved on paper. Like how much my kids have grown over the years. And also, I feel a touch of bittersweet when I see people who have passed away in the pages of albums. I miss them all.

I know that years from now, more and new technology will come and thrill and amaze us. I just hope that there will be a permanent way of preserving all these photographs so that long after I'm gone from this world, my family will enjoy all the stories every photo will tell them.

YET HERE I AM

I have a terrible cough and cold and yet, I can't find time to rest. It's tough being a mom, that's for sure. You rest for a minute then feel guilty when you forget to fix the messy living room, or forget to remind your son to drink his vitamins. I've been coughing for days now. And apparently today, it's just not enough. I've developed a cold as well. Yup, it's not enough that I sound like a braying donkey whenever I cough, I have to sniff as well. This afternoon, my body just couldn't take it. At around 12noon, I just had to nap to get myself energized. But I was wrong, when I woke up, my body just felt tired, my eyes felt warm and I was still coughing. Sigh. Good thing Ruther was there to take care of the boys. He even bathed Ethan and Enzo while I was dozing. I love this guy. Anyway, am planning to drink plenty of Vitamin C to boost my immune system and maybe, just maybe, that will be enough to make me better.

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I have started reviewing Nikki for his exams this Thursday and Friday. I try to do it a little at a time because knowing him, he would either be too bored after 15 minutes of review or would daydream while I blab away. So far, he's doing well. We just have to concentrate more on his Filipino and Makabayan subjects because he's not that fluent in Filipino yet. But so far, am so proud of his progress. Even if he's in first grade in regular school, we still continue with his grade 3 homeschooling after classes. I know it's tough but I make sure he we do it a little at a time so he won't be burned out. I still don't know if this is the right path for him but looking at his progress in school and here at home, I'm thinking, we might as well continue on...

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Finally watched Breaking Dawn Part 1 the other day. Wanted to watch it at the movies but was afraid Ruther would die from "excessive cheesiness". So, I took pity and decided to wait. Didn't have to force Ruther to watch it the other day. At least he lasted through the movie, with some comments from me about how it compared to the book. It was an okay movie I guess. I did enjoy watching it, but to watch it repeatedly, I don't think that's something I would do.

Anyway, am looking forward to the part 2 of this movie. Hopefully it'll be as great as the book.

MORE MORE MORE

I am 35 years old. And yet I feel as thought I haven't lived yet. I mean, REALLY lived yet.

Sure, I have kids. I'm married. I've traveled. But I don't feel as though this is it. I don't feel that completeness in me yet. Perhaps I have so much to discover still. Besides, my bucket list is far from being completed at this time. I think, no, I feel I have much to learn and much to give and I have to find out what I'm really meant to do in this life.

I think it's silly that kids are asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" because honestly, I didn't have a darn clue what I wanted to be. I think I just gave whatever answer pleased the person asking. How about a mom? A wife? Does that qualify? I think kids should be asked, "What are your interests?" and then gather information about their prospective occupations from their replies. Wouldn't that be a better question?

I feel as though I have only woken up. I'm halfway through my life and yet I feel there is still so much more for me out there. Is this a farfetched dream? Am I just looking at the world through rose-colored glasses? I think not. There was a time in my life when I was so blinded. Blinded by so many things. But I woke up and now, I know reality from fantasy. And I know that there's something for me out there. And I just have to find it.

Don't get me wrong. I love my family to death. I wouldn't sacrifice so many things for them if I didn't love them the way I do. But I also know that in the future, I need to look out for myself too. To do the things I've always wanted to do. To try the things I've always wanted to try. To visit places I've always wanted to see. I want to read all the books I could in a day. Dress funny and not mind when people look and stare. Take photographs of people and places and to reminisce them all over hot chocolate (am cutting down on my coffee). To look at the world in a whole new light. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Yes, I think there is so much more for me out there. Is it too much to hope for? Maybe not.

RURAL SCENE

Took this photo in Zamboanga. So rustic...

KUNG HEI FAT CHOI

My paternal grandfather was Chinese so I'm very well aware of the Chinese calendar and the Chinese New Year. Unlike some of my cousins who grew up learning to speak Chinese and most of the Chinese ways, my mom decided to bring me and my siblings up differently. I really don't mind that we studied in different schools. I did mind though when my grandfather would speak Chinese to my cousin and I had no idea what they were talking about.

Now that I think about it, I feel that I know so little of my Chinese culture. I mean, I am well aware of the celebrations, some traditions and all the other things I learned in books and old Chinese movies but the culture that was rooted from my family, I have no idea. I don't know how and why my grandfather came to the Philippines. I don't know why he married my grandmother when she hasn't a single drop of Chinese blood in her. I don't know why we never got to talk about Chinese rituals and why my grandfather never told us about his past and his life. He wasn't a cold person. He was quite jovial in fact. But I guess, he just didn't want to share that part of his life with his grandchildren.

Despite all these questions and a whole lot more, I am thankful for that Chinese part in me. It may me a very small part but it's definitely still there. And I would still want my kids to know all the Chinese traditions we did when we were little as well as the things my grandparents did and experiences I had with them growing up. I miss them both.

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It's the year of the water dragon. According to Chinese astrology, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll be lucky this year (I'm a fire dragon) but then again, I've given up on these sort of predictions when I couldn't keep track of them through the months. I decided, I'll make my own decisions and path. I can't let some prediction dictate my year. I have to take charge, I know. Anyway, Ruther seems to have the lucky year. Didn't get to check the boys'. But they're too young to be affected by such trivial stuff. Me? I'm just hoping this year will be so much better than 2009-2011. If that so happens, then 2012 is a splendid year.

I'LL TRY

I don't usually make resolutions because 1. I suck at it, and 2. they don't usually come true. But this time, in the extreme desire to make 2012 a positive year, I will make just one. Yup. One. Simple. Resolution.

I will do my very best (not promise) to be vigilant always. Why so? Because I tend to procrastinate. Okay fine. I procrastinate more often than not. Happy now?

Why "vigilant"? Because 1. it means "keeping careful watch", 2. it's easy to chant in my head, and 3. I'm sure not many people out there use it as a mantra of sorts. I have to remind myself to be vigilant with regards to my children's education (homeschooling is wonderful but it's crazy!), to be vigilant in doing what I can today, to be vigilant in fulfilling the needs of my family, and to be vigilant in saving/earning money in every little way that I can. Every time I feel like I'm purposely taking it slow, I tell myself, "be vigilant" and I feel some little energy inside me that gives me that much-needed push. It's wonderful really. It's like my own personal booster.

I've been selling some of our stuff online lately. I started late last year as I was decluttering the house. Undecided on what to do with the baby stuff around I tried to post it online as a for sale ad. And we pretty much sold the baby walker, the playpen, the crib accessory and ladybug costume in a month. It was a nice surprise. I never thought that we'd be able to make a couple of sales. Since it seemed like a very good thing to preoccupy me, I thought, why not continue selling our stuff online while decluttering the house? So, that's what I've been doing and so far, it's been swell. Today, I managed to sell our baby carrier from a guy who lives in Magallanes! And that's not near our place. It's just amazing. Since it seems so promising, I'm thinking of testing other things to sell online like my crochet stuff and some bead creations. Who knows, right?

Anyway, back to vigilance. I think that that would be the best word for me to use this year. Maybe this is the positive thing that I need right now to focus and start my year right. I know I've bungled a lot of resolutions in the past (which made me stop making them years ago) but this time, I gave a very good feeling about it.

WONDERFUL DEAL

While checking my FB yesterday, I happened to see an ad on the side. It basically said "3 days, 2 nights trip to Puerto Galera for four for only P4499 from P9000". I know it's not in our plans to spend for something like this but the deal is just too great to pass up. So I showed it to Ruther and he agreed it was a good deal.

But what about Enzo? So I checked the site and emailed the person in charge of the deal. After a few minutes, I got my answer: Enzo is free of charge! Sweet! So I told Ruther. Still not 100% satisfied, he asked me to check the reviews of the place. Silly me. Of course I should do that! After searching the 'net, looks like it's a good place for some family bonding and R&R accoding to foreign visitors. So, Ruther got the deal. Here's what it's all about:

Escape the contemporary stresses of today's life: Embark on a unique getaway with today's MetroDeal, which entitles 4 persons to the relaxing place of Puerto Galera, where you will stay 3-days/2-nights at the El Canonero Resort for P4,499 instead of P9,000. Included are also breakfasts, welcome drink and 1 hour use of snorkeling gear.

Nestled directly at the white sand beaches of Puerto Galera, you will get a unique chance to experience a different world full of pristine waters, panoramic views and lush green sloping valleys. Looks like you finally found that perfection vacation. So regardless if you're enjoying life while hanging out at the white sand beach or get a rest in the air conditioned deluxe room, this trip will give you the relaxation that you deserve.

Included is also the use of the large luxury swimming pool, live music at the white sand beach and there's much more to discover.

I checked the resort out and there are lots of fun activities to do if the boys get bored at the beach. There's visiting the Mangyan (local tribe), Tamaraw Falls, river kayaking, and checking out a bat cave (this one got Ruther excited). So at least I wouldn't have to worry about the boys just staying in the room. I'm sure we'll have fun going around the place and of course, taking photos.

And now, I'm sooo excited!! The last time the family had a beach outing was in 2009 in Coron, Palawan. And I'm doubly excited because this time Enzo will be with us. I hope he'll like the beach as much as his brothers. The beach we went to in Zamboanga wasn't really the resort type so according to Ruther, that didn't count as a vacation. Hahaha...

The deal is valid from Jan 20, to Nov 19, 2012. I guess our problem now is to decide when to go to Puerto Galera. Nikki's classes will end on the 29th of March, according to his school calendar. Ruther was thinking of going before Holy Week but I don't think that's possible. I think the next best date would be after Holy Week. At least there'd be a whole lotta less people by then. Well, I certainly hope so.

I'm sooo excited!! See you soon, Puerto Galera! :D

IF YOU WANT TO CATCH UP...

Here are some newsbits and photos of what's been happening in the past few months when I was MIA in the blogging world...

1. Enzo turned 1! Last September 20, our youngest turned 1 year. Wow. I can still remember bringing him home from the hospital and now he's a year old! Where did the time go? Anyway, we celebrated his birthday on the 18th, a Sunday so that we'd have guests. We had his birthday at Lost Eden, Bioresearch, a place near our home so it wouldn't be too much of a hassle getting there. It's an educational and recreational park and I thought it would be nice for the kids to go around, see the animals and plants and just have fun on their own, instead of giving them the usual party clown/magician/face painting extravaganza. It was a good plan. Everyone had fun, even the adults! I ordered food and everyone enjoyed it. My mom flew in from Zamboanga days before and I was happy she made it to the party. My high school friends also made it so it was a reunion of sorts. The kids had fun touring the place (there's just soooo much to see) and they brought home a fish and hamster each. It was really wonderful. It took me quite a while to prepare for it but in the end, it was all worth it. From the bug antennae to the cute bug-themed cake, it was just a lot of fun. Oh, we decided on a bug-themed party because it's not a common theme here in the Philippines and we really wanted a unique party for Enzo. Also, we thought Enzo was "cute as a bug". So bug it was.

2. September 22, 2011 - Ruther's father died from complications due to long-term smoking, respiratory problems and some renal problems as well. No one was surprised at this because he was in and out of the hospital a few months before his passing. He was just getting weaker and weaker. He died on his birthday. It was supposed to be his 70th birthday. Sad, but we're just all so glad he's in a better place now.

3. November 29, 2011 - Nikki turned 10!! My goodness. I see all my boys as my babies but once one of them hits the double digits, it's such a reality check. I'm getting old! Hahahaha! Nikki's growing up very well. I know he still needs to improve in some areas (like limiting his OCness, not being too hard on Ethan when he makes mistakes, etc.) but he's very smart, sympathetic and strong inside. I know he has a long way to go but I'll be there to support him when he needs me.

4. November 2011 - Ruther's paternal grandmother died. We don't know if it was because of the death of her son that made her weak but we suspected that part of her demise was sickness plus depression. She also suffered from respiratory problems but it was due to pneumonia (unlike Papa who was a smoker). Like I said in my previous post, 2011 brought many deaths to the family...

5. December 18, 2011 - We flew to Zamboanga to spend the holidays with my mom and dad. It was Enzo's first airplane ride and he practically slept the whole time. Ruther arrived a few days after us, on the 23rd. It was nice getting away from the bustle of the metropolis but all of us were sick one time or another when we were there! I was coughing the whole time, Enzo developed impetigo, Nikki had UTI, Ethan had fever and Ruther had fever and cough! What a vacation! Good thing, the week before we came back, we were all better and still had time to do some of the things we planned on doing. Here are some photos...

Christmas 2011

















Enzo's first time at a beach












New Year! Doing our traditional greeting. Welcome 2012!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I know! You don't have to say it.

I've been negligent, forgetful, lazy, procrastinating, and all those... BUT I never thought having 3 boys would keep me this busy!! Really! I had NO idea!! I promised myself to blog at least once a week, but oh no, that just couldn't happen. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and before I knew it, it's 2012!! I pretty much asked myself the other day, "Why have I stopped blogging?" And I don't know exactly why because I love blogging and I know I always have something to write about. I guess, life just happened. I wish I had a device that would type away in my blog as I say it. Wouldn't that be a handy thingamajig? Anyway, I'm terribly sorry for being away for so long. I just feel like I have a lot on my plate and I just couldn't and wouldn't allow myself to be a wet rag all the time in the blogosphere. So now, this is me being cheerful and happy about the new year. Here's hoping it would be great for everyone!

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My boys pretty much take up most of my time. And I thought I could handle 3 kids like a breeze. I'm just plain ashamed. I feel like I have to work really hard everyday just to make sure that I tend to all their needs and yet, a day isn't enough and I berate myself come evening when I realize I haven't given Ethan his vitamins, when I forgot to review Nikki for school and when I forget to kiss Enzo goodnight even when he's right beside me. Really, I don't know how the Duggers do it. I just wish there were a couple more hours to a day or that I would at least have a clone or additional pair of hands so I wouldn't feel so frustrated and useless when I forget to do these things for my family. Sigh. I know I have to just hold on and learn to let go of the little things and focus on the things that matter the most. Still, wouldn't it be nice to be the perfect housewife, mom and homeschool teacher?

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Our little Enzo isn't so little anymore!! He's growing oh so fast it's scaring the bejeezus outta me. I wish he could stay a baby for much longer but I know that's just not gonna happen. He's such a joy here at home I really don't know what I'd do if I had to go to work and be away from him and my boys. They just make me ache with love. I love them to death! Will post one of Enzo's recent photos once I upload them all.

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How were your holidays? I know it's been weeks but I hope you had a blast. We spent the holidays in my home province, Zamboanga. My mom and dad were of course, very happy to spend time with the boys. It was Enzo's first plane ride and first time in Zamboanga so it was fun taking him around and showing him my place of birth. We took the boys to the beach, to my cousins, to tourist attractions in the area and all that. We were there from December 18 until the 1st of January. It wasn't long but at least we all had fun despite being sick for a few days while there. Am hoping Nikki would spend the summer there to bond with my parents and to take some summer classes and also to learn to be more independent. He's not too keen with the idea but I hope he'd at least try. We'll have to see, I guess...

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I'm sincerely hoping that this year, 2012, will finally be the year when a positive change takes place in my life. 2009 was a sucky year, 2010 was so unpredictable but having Enzo then was just amazing. 2011 was a sad year with my sis leaving for Canada for fellowship and Ruther's dad, aunt and grandmother passing away during the second half of the year. It was just too many deaths at once. Am hoping the tides will turn now and that 2012 will be more promising, more positive and will be the year when our dreams start to come true.

Am keeping my fingers crossed!