SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER

I can't believe it's May already. Pretty soon, summer will be over and I really can't wait for the rains to come. I know the monsoon season can be pretty harsh in the Philippines but I just love rainy days. Summer is pretty okay too, and I used to like it so much before but now, with global-warming and aging skin and all, it's just a bit too much for me these days. So yeah, I can't wait for June to come... Cool weather (hopefully), Ruther's and my anniversary and Ethan's birthday. So much to look forward to...

.....

I finally got White Paw a cage!! It's just so hard seeing him so cramped in his basket that I knew I had to get him one immediately. Fortunately yesterday, at a pet store just outside our subdivision, I spotted a nice red one that had a tray underneath. Since I was going to the post office then, I decided to check it out on the way home. I was worried at first about the price and told myself that if it cost more than P500 (approx. US$11.80) I won't get it. When I got to the pet store, I inspected the cage. It looked okay. It was sturdy, big enough for White Paw to move around, easy to clean and conveniently had a tray underneath it so I could easily throw away the rabbit's little droppings. I asked the man in charge how much the cage cost. He said it was P400. I thought for a moment and asked him if he could give me a lower price for the cage (this is a common thing in the Philippines so don't think I'm being callous by asking for a lower price). He said he could give it to me for P380 (approx. US$9) and I was happy with that so I got it! And now, White Paw is happy in his new home. I take him out of the cage from time to time to pet him or to stretch his legs. But I don't do that all the time because he's very naughty and nips at everything. Also, Ethan freaks out when he sees White Paw out of his cage (to me: "Mommy! Get him!" To White Paw: "Hey! Don't bite!"). =D Will try to take a photo of White Paw later...

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Mom and Dad are back home in Zamboanga. They left Manila early this morning. But I think they plan to come back in July, in time for our birthdays (my siblings and I have the same birth month). We went to their room last night to spend some time with them and to say our goodbyes and good nights. My mom and dad teased Nikki about going with them but Nikki adamantly refused. I suppose my little man thinks he belongs with me. =D So cute. Anyway, it was nice spending the past few days with them. I hardly had time to study and the boys too, but I suppose the break was worth it. =D

TO BECKY

Dearest Becky, this little post is dedicated to you...

I just want to say thank you for always dropping by and for taking the time to tell me your thoughts about some of the things I write here. I feel so lucky to be friends with you in this universe and I really and truly appreciate all your encouragement, advice, support, understanding and thoughtfulness. Just know that even if I rarely reply to your comments (or anyone else for that matter), I always take your words to heart and I enjoy hearing from you. I feel that I owe you a big thank you for always, always being there no matter what, for being my listening ear, my Bible, my shoulder. Thank you so much and I hope the friendship continues...

CRYSTAL BALL BROKEN

She stares at the crystal ball before her; unwilling to see, unwanting to believe. The future, HER future, that was so clear and sharp and positive had become bleak and cloudy and grey. She stares confusedly. Every fiber of her being resisting, denying, questioning... With the tip of her finger, she gently touches the crystal ball. It shimmers but the hazy image remains. She asks herself, "How can this be so?" Suddenly angry, she takes the crystal ball in her hands and shakes it hard as though it were a snow globe. She shakes the ball even harder with the wild hope that when she stops, the image would disappear and the happy future she once saw would return to her. When her arms finally became tired from the shaking, she carefully puts the crystal ball back into its velvet pillow. She closes her eyes and once more asks the ball, "Please, please show me my future." And to herself, "Please, show me the future you showed me before..." She is scared beyond belief. She wants to know what the ball's prediction is but at the same time, she no longer holds happy thoughts about tomorrow. She does not open her eyes for as long as she could and when her curiosity got the better of her, she slowly, slowly, opened her eyes. She stares. First inquiringly and then unemotionally. And then slowly, slowly, a silver tear falls from her eye. And then she cries. Silently. She cries with a thousand sorrows. She buries her face in her hands and cries her heart out. And then after she was spent, she quietly leaves the room never to return. She leaves the crystal ball. She leaves her future.

The crystal ball is broken. There is no hope.

PRIVATE TIME

I suppose time with my parents is what I need right now. We spend most of our days with them and of course, my mom and dad are just too glad for the time with Nikki and Ethan. They have even hinted about sending the boys home with my sister in the middle of May. She's going home to attend her bestfriend's wedding at the end of the month. I'm actually not too worried about the airfare because my parents will definitely shoulder that and willingly so. I'm just worried about how the boys will take being away from me, especially Ethan who still wants to be cuddled in the evenings. Anyway, still have to think about that...

Being with my mom and dad is nice. I miss spending time with them. I like seeing them together and I love that they love each other with so much intensity still. Theirs is a love that is passionate and without a doubt they are really made for each other. I know my mom and dad have different personalities. But they do their best to understand each other and to always prioritize the other. I am amazed at my dad's understanding of my mom's quirks and anxieties and I admire my mom for always believing in my dad even when he does not think too highly of himself (he's quite humble). When I am with them, especially lately, I know that their relationship is something I would want for myself as well. I want something that I could hold on to years from now, something that I know will make every sacrifice in the past worth it.

Tomorrow, we're going to the mall and I am looking forward to it. I'm sure it'll be another exciting day for the boys but for me, I am just glad that it'll be another wonderful day spent with family.

ETHAN'S (NO LONGER) PET

That's Wormy in his bucket. Ethan just looooves to look at him all the time. He just loves all sorts of wriggly creatures. =)

WORMY AND WHITE PAW

I forgot to mention that we let Wormy go yesterday. Although he was doing well in his container, I'm not a worm expert to be able to say that he's really okay. So, rather than throw away a dead worm (and I know how helpful they are to plants), I decided to let him go instead. With Ethan's permission of course. He was okay with the plan and just said, "Bye, Wormy!" when I let him out of the container. He wiggled his way into the soil and that was that. Well, here's hoping you have a long and happy life, Wormy! (Stay away from the birds!)

.....

Speaking of pets, White Paw is getting to be way too big for his basket. I think I have to look for an adequate cage for him. Maybe one that would be large enough for him to move around a bit when he's inside it but certainly not one that would cost so much. Hopefully, I'll be able to get him a nice one next month. (And hopefully he'll be happy sleeping in it in the evenings.)

I'M BACK

I feel like it's been ages since I last blogged... Wait a minute! What am I saying? It HAS been ages since I last wrote! Duh!

Things have just become hectic last week. I've been trying to finish my textbook (pretty successful with that), been trying to find some independent activities for the boys (so I could study without interruptions), and been pretty much up to my neck with other activities. In fact, there are so many things in my head right now, I don't know where to begin.

Anyway, I'll just type as I think then (which can become pretty tricky later on)... Last Saturday, we went along with my brother-in-law Russell at their company's family fun day. It was held at a waterpark and since the boys love the water a lot, I thought it would be nice to tag-along. What I didn't expect though, were the hoards of people. We barely found a table for ourselves and since there were just so many people around, I didn't want to leave the boys unwatched by the kiddie pool. So, I had to stay close by and of course, got way too much sun than I had planned. But anyway, we (the boys and I) had lots of fun though. They especially loved the wave pool because well, who wouldn't love it? After 2 hours in it, though, I didn't love it any more because my legs and arms got so tired from having to swim/wade after the boys everytime they tried to get away from me. By afternoon, I had a headache, partly because of the sun and partly from exhaustion. Good thing I brought an analgesic with me so I took one. Anyway, we got home pretty late and as expected, the boys are beyond tan. I think they look like rich chocolate brown. (Hahaha!) They didn't have any sunburns though. I, on the other hand, have burns on my shoulders. I can't even recall the last time I had sunburns. I am usually so careful and always apply and reapply sunblock. But I suppose last Saturday, the sun was just too much for my skin or maybe the sunblock lost its strengh -is that even possible?- or maybe global-warming is really too much for all the sunblock in the world so now, I have sunburns. Well, actually, it's getting better now. Last Sunday, I had to wear a spaghetti-strapped blouse because a shirt would have been too painful. But now, my shoulders are getting better. Which is a relief actually. I wouldn't want to get another sunburn ever again!! It's just too bothersome. The good thing about the trip though, was that it was another wonderful bonding day for me and the boys. I guess nothing beats that. Not even sunburn.

SILENCE

There are days when I wish I had a private soundproofed bubble and I could stay in there and just relish the silence. I don't know if I'm the only one but I sometimes get so rattled at all the noise around me. It's not just the boys' shouting and shrieking or the tv or the noisy kids outside. Sometimes it can be the neighbors' barking dogs, or the talking neighbors, or the shriek of a kettle, or even some disturbing news I heard the other day. Sometimes, I just want to be alone with my thoughts. Completely alone.

You might think me strange but I like peace and quiet. I could even live without a tv (Ruther couldn't so the tv in our room is staying there), just give me lots of books to while my time away. I like to mull things over in my head. I like to hear myself think. I just want to be able to think non-stop without interruptions, to be able to form cohesive thoughts or look ahead into the future. I want to be able to listen to my heartbeat without the help of a stethoscope and to be able to think with my eyes open. I want to look deep within myself and just reflect on many things.

I suppose the bathroom is the place where I can get the most peace and quiet in the house. But of course, I can't stay there for long periods of time or people will start to wonder what I'm up to in there. So I suppose my quiet time is late at night when the boys are asleep. When the room is dim and the house (and street) is quiet, I would just lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and let my thoughts wander. Sometimes, I write them down but it's nothing fancy. I usually just want to reflect on things and to allow myself to think freely. Like I forgot to do something the other day and then I would suddenly remember. Or I would have an idea for a family vacation and think about sharing it with Ruther. Or, I would recall something funny the boys said or think about how fast they are growing as each day passes. Or I would think about the future and just turn those thoughts over and over in my head. Sometimes, my thoughts calm me but sometimes, they make me anxious. But I've always been a thinker (Ruther would say "worrier") but I suppose that's just who I am. During the day, I find myself having difficulty with such reflections. There's just too much distraction and noise, I suppose. So usually, when night falls and the room is filled with the gentle breathing of the boys, I am able to reflect and just be alone with my thoughts. I would really love to have that soundproofed bubble but I guess a quiet room at night is better than nothing.

INIHAW NA PUSIT (GRILLED SQUID)

1 kilo squid
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup vinegar
1/2 head garlic (minced)
1/2 tablespoon ginger (minced)
1 teaspoon hot chili pepper (minced)
2 teaspoons salt

Wash and clean squid well.Take out the black ink. Take out the skin and film. In a bowl, mix all the ingredients and marinate the squid for 1 hour.Grill squid for about 4 minutes on each side.Heat remaining marinade mixture for sauce. Serve with sauce.

FOR THE LOVE OF...

Maybe I should have a shirt made that says "I WILL homeschool my boys and there's nothing you can do or say that will change my mind" and wear it all the time. Dyu think people will (finally) get the idea and stop pestering me to send the boys to school? Or perhaps I should put a tattoo on my forehead that says the same thing? What else do I have to do to make them understand that I DON'T WANT to send my boys to traditional school and would much prefer to homeschool them and if they don't want to accept that then they can kiss my ---- rabbit.

.....

I feel like I've been living in limbo for the past days. I've immersed myself in my lessons (really wonderful read) and I'm progressing quite well. Am on the last few chapters of my textbook and then I'm done with this module (series of assignments). I think I have one more module to go before I complete this course and I am so excited to finish. Anyway, we've been taking it easy for a while with the boys' lessons. We're due for another science experiment so I have to do some research and planning. The boys still spend some of their time swimming in the pool or playing with their toys (i.e., making a mess) and studying on the computer. I sometimes can't use it because they love Blue's Clues Kindergarten so much. But hey, I won't mind as long as they learn many things from it. :) Summer is halfway over. Can't wait for the rainy season...

.....

I just found out yesterday that my parents will be coming to Manila on the 1st of May. My dad will have another golf tournament on that weekend so we'll be seeing them again soon. Already, my dad asked me if we (meaning, the boys) could go home to Zamboanga. I said that's not possible because starting May we'll be collecting our documents for our (temporary) visa. Plus, I have to call the accredited travel agencies to make inquiries (the Japan embassy no longer accepts walk-ins so now I would have to go through one of these agencies to submit our papers). I am kind of worried about this new policy because 1. we'd have to shell out more money for the placement fee, and 2. I'm not really comfortable leaving something this important in someone else's hands. So I want to know which of the 4 accredited agencies will be the most okay. Hopefully, nothing will go wrong. I hope I hope I hope. Anyway, I know my dad really misses the boys and want to spend some time with them and I don't want to be selfish but we just really can't go to Zamboanga this year. It's just not possible and I would rather we save the money for the fare to Japan. I just really hope that everything will proceed smoothly.

THE GOLDEN COMPASS

I watched this movie the other day and I really liked it. I don't know why I enjoy movies like this so much; you know, a parallel universe, similar yet different from our own. Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of The Rings, Narnia... all fantastic places that tickle our imagination.

Anyway, I didn't know anything about this movie at all. In fact, I just wanted to watch it because I knew that Nicole Kidman was in it. Okay, I know, flimsy excuse to watch a movie, but hey, I like her and I think she's a great actress. Anyway, I loved the movie a lot. In fact, I liked it so much, I watched it twice. Yup, twice. It was just so interesting and all new and all so creative. I loved the props, the idea of a daemon, the Witches and Ice bears and Gyptians and parallel universes. Really, what's not interesting about that? Anyway, I didn't even realize that there was a book!! So now, I want to read the story more than ever. Of course, when the movie ended I was like, "That's it?!" And then I read that a sequel might be produced later on so I was relieved. Really, I just wanted the movie to go on and on and on...

The movie filled my head so much after I first watched it that I even dreamed of the characters for 2 nights, can you believe that? I can't even remember the last movie that affected me this much! Anyway, I also read that The Golden Compass was not very popular in the US but was a hit in other countries. It's quite amusing becuse I find it really hard to dislike this movie. But then again, I like living in a fastasy world so I guess this movie is made for people like me. =)

MID-APRIL NEWS

I'm happy to report that Wormy seems to be doing okay in his new home. Of course, the only time he's flustered is when we try to look for him in the dirt. Oh well. But we try to make up for that by giving it lots of food and a sprinkle of water. I just realized this past few days that taking care of worms is kind of fun. In the past, I would never think of having one as a pet but now, it's kind of interesting. And, as Becky says, worms are good for the environment, so there. Hmmm... I think we better find Wormy a companion don't you think?

.....

Been studying and reading like crazy these past few days. I'm already halfway through my (thick) textbook. It's just getting to be so interesting with all the childhood disorders. I mean, before I started this course, I would read in the news about ADHD, bipolar disorders, depression in kids and after a while, I would forget all about it. But once I read more about the disorders it's just all so interesting and really worrisome that some of the disorders that are being treated in the US is not being given the same attention here in the Philippines. Not that I blame anyone. I guess it's just more difficult to focus on health issues here when other pressing problems concern the government. I suppose we still have a long way to go in studying and researching childhood disorders, diagnosing it and treating it.

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I feel like April has just gone by in a flash. Already it's halfway over and I am just so excited for it to be May. So many things to plan for, so many things to prepare, so many things to look forward to. I just hope and pray that everything goes well and goes smoothly.

ETHAN'S PET WORM

The other day (it was late afternoon) we saw this worm crawling aimlessly in the garage. We had no idea where it came from but I knew that Ethan would love to see it. So I called him. And, the bug-lover that he is, he was so fascinated with it. It was as fat as one of his fingers and was around 6 inches long. Then, I thought, why not keep it as Ethan’s pet? I mean, I don’t think it’s difficult to take care of an earthworm, right? So, before it could reach the end of our garage (Nikki kept watch), I got a transparent container, filled it with soil and with a stick, carefully picked Wormy (its name) up and put it in its new home. Ethan kept on asking, “where’s the earthworm?” all the time while checking the container and I would say, “he’s in his home.” Whenever Wormy would appear on the sides of the container, Ethan would be excited all over again. And of course, Wormy would make its way into the deeper and darker part of the container and would disappear (because of course, they like the dark but my boy doesn’t know that yet) which would disappoint Ethan. This afternoon, Ethan couldn’t see any part of Wormy at all and he complained to me, “Where’s Wormy? He’s gone!” So, I had to get a stick and look for Wormy. When we found him in the middle of the container (as usual), that satisfied Ethan so we gave Wormy some leaves and sprinkled some water on the soil. Then we let him be because I was thinking Wormy had enough poking for one day. Anyway, I’m still not sure when we’re letting Wormy go but I don’t think it’s anytime soon yet. I think it will be great to have Wormy with us for a while and it would be great to study an earthworm up close. I guess Ethan will have to decide when to let go of Wormy. Hopefully, it won’t be too long.

SMILE!

Happy my boys are. Wish they could stay this way always...

=D

RAINS

We have had some rains yesterday, at last. It was wonderful. When we woke up, a cloudy sky greeted us and I knew that the cool breeze would grant us a comfortable day. We spent the day reading and playing games. I was able to do a lot of studying too because the refreshing weather just made everyone less irritable so the boys were busy doing the things the do best (i.e., making a mess). For the first time in days, the boys did not rush to their pool to keep cool. For the first time in days, I could wear a top with sleeves and not feel warm. It was great. Today was a bit sunny but the cloudy sky made the afternoon tolerable. The boys napped comfortably and I had more time to study. I read in the news that there's a typhoon in the country. Well, I hope that it's not destructive enough to cost lives but at the same time, I hope that it will remain to keep the weather cool for the time being.

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I've been depressed for the past days (which probably explains why I haven't blogged). Some things in my life have just been really confusing and I just had to gather my thoughts and to reflect on things. Sometimes I wonder about the purpose of it all, sometimes I just want to give up. But then, all it takes is a silver lining, an olive branch and then all is well again. Well at least this time, I hope it will remain so.

THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW

from the movie Enchanted
Amy Adams

Giselle:
How does she know you love her?
How does she know she's yours?

Man:
How does she know that you love her?

Giselle:
How do you show her you love her?

Both:
How does she know that you really, really, truely love her?
How does she know that you love her?
How do you show her you love her?
How does she know that you really, really, truely love her?

Giselle:
It's not enough to take the one you love for granted
You must remind her, or she'll be inclined to say...
"How do I know he loves me?"
(How does she know that you love her?
How do you show her you love her?)
"How do I know he's mine?"
(How does she know that you really, really, truely love her?)

Well does he leave a little note to tell you you are on his mind?
Send you yellow flowers when the sky is grey? Heyy!
He'll find a new way to show you, a little bit everyday
That's how you know, that's how you know!
He's your love...

Man:
You've got to show her you need her
Don't treat her like a mind reader
Each day do something to need her
To believe you love her

Giselle:
Everybody wants to live happily ever after
Everybody wants to know their true love is true...
How do you know he loves you?
(How does she know that you love her?
How do you show her you need her?)
How do you know he's yours?
(How does she know that you really, really, truely-)

Well does he take you out dancin' just so he can hold you close?
Dedicate a song with words in
Just for you? Ohhh!

All:
He'll find his own way to tell you
With the little things he'll do
That's how you know
That's how you know!

Giselle:
He's your love
He's your love...

That's how you know
(la la la la la la la la)
He loves you
(la la la la la la la la)
That's how you know
(la la la la la la la la)
It's true
(la la la la la)

Because he'll wear your favorite color
Just so he can match your eyes
Rent a private picnic
By the fires glow-oohh!

All:
His heart will be yours forever
Something everyday will show
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know!

Giselle:
He's your love...

Man:
That's how she knows that you love her
That's how you show her you love her

Giselle:
That's how you know...
That's how you know...
He's your love...

INTERNET WOES AND OTHER WORRIES

We had some internet problems yesterday. From late afternoon til evening. It's such a bother really because not only can't I blog (especially if I want to do it in the evening) but I can't have a video chat with Ruther which can be really frustrating. I mean, sure, I could always call him from my cellphone but we don't have to spend much for video chats. Whenever we have an internet problem, it really feels like I'm out of touch with Ruther. I mean, I could always send him a quick message on his cellphone from my email. Or he could inform me he'll be home late and I could read that in my inbox. It's really very reliable. But of course, not when the connection is faulty. Once that happens, it's like being in a blackout. It's so frustrating. Anyway, I hope there will be no internet problems from now on.

.....

I'm still really considering getting that haircut. I just feel that I'll be more comfortable if I have shorter hair this summer. I just wasn't expecting it to be this warm! But I'm still looking for a good hairstyle. I wouldn't want to go to the salon with no idea about a hairstyle at all. I might regret the decision later on. (Hopefully that won't happen.)

.....

I just realized that I haven't been posting much about White Paw, our rabbit. Well, he's doing okay. He's actually HUGE now. He could barely fit in his basket. He's a bit fed up of his rabbit pellets right now so I try to give him veggies. I think the summer heat is making him crave for more juicy choices. =D He's having those flakes on his nose right now (like what Sushi had before) but I try to apply oil on it as often as possible to not let it spread. But aside from that, he's doing okay. Maybe when his nose gets all better, I'll post a nice photo of him again. =D

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I can't believe April is halfway over. May will probably be a busy month for us because that's when we start collecting our papers and documents for our visa application for Japan. I'm really really hoping and praying all goes well then. Nikki is already looking forward to seeing his dad so I hope that God will grant us this second chance to be with Ruther in Japan. I think it will be another wonderful bonding experience for all of us. So please please please, help pray with me for this trip to come true for us.

PEPPER STEAK STIR-FRY

beef.betterrecipes.com

1 large piece of sirloin steak
1 large onion
1 large green pepper
Sliced fresh mushrooms
Fresh garlic
1 8 oz can of tomato sauce
Worcestershire Sauce
Salt
Pepper
Sugar

Slice steak into thin strips. Saute in olive oil and add fresh garlic. Add pepper, onion and mushrooms and saute for 10 minutes. Add tomato sauce, 3 drops of Worcestershire sauce and a pinch of sugar. Salt & pepper to taste, cover and simmer on low for 20 minutes. Serve over white rice.
Number of servings: 4