SHARING A POEM ON A SAD NIGHT...

SAGA OF MY TEARS
by Derrick T. Pike


I sit all alone in this room
As memories unfold

Tears streaming down my face again
This pain never grows old

Some say it's a state of mind
But it's my heart that really hurts

I only aim to please you all
But what's a smile really worth?

This is the story of my life
The saga of my tears

A story told a thousand times
Remade over the years

If you listen up closely
Maybe you might hear

The beating of my heart
And the saga of my tears

They say that life's a trip
I hit the ground face first

Lost everything I ever wanted
But it could have been worse

Or that's what they tell me
Do they sit alone in the dark?

Or stare into broken mirrors
Thinking it's the pieces of their heart

This is the story of my life
The saga of my tears

A story told a thousand times
Remade over the years

If you listen up closely
Maybe you might hear

The beating of my heart
And the saga of my tears

This is the saga of my tears
A saga that never ends

This is the saga of my tears
That fall from cheeks til the end

http://www.poetryamerica.com/read_poems.asp?id=265817

SIGH

Isn't it sad that the person you want to share things the most refuses to hear you out?

Tonight, I cried. I haven't cried since I left Japan (which was February 27 of this year) and I wasn't really CRYING then. My eyes got teary-eyed, is all. But tonight, I cried as if my heart was breaking. It's really hard for me to keep emotions in because I'm a sensitive soul. (If you want to know how sensitive, ask my husband...) I usually have to write my emotions down or share them with Ruther or share them with a friend. I would rather share them with Ruther, of course. But tonight, the emotions were so overwhelming, I was desperate to talk to someone. So I called a friend and he rescued me from deep sorrow. I am not exaggerating. I have felt this sorrow/sadness for quite some time but I wanted to be strong for my family. But again, I am an emotionally-driven woman and I am only as strong as my heart. Let me share this with you. My heart is like a tank. You know, like the tank of a car where you put gasoline in. When my heart tank is full, I feel like I can do anything in the world, even bungee-jump (which is actually one of my greatest fears - free-falling). But when it is low and close to empty, I become desolate and melancholy. Until my tank is filled with hearts of affection, care and love, then I can only do so much, just the way a car will sputter and jerk on a lonely road. You might find the simile funny or even foolish. You might say, "That's crazy! No one stops functioning because they have no love or no one gives them love." But it is true with me. Tonight, I was running on empty - no, I would say my heart tank was below the "empty" line so yes, I needed a pick-me-up badly. So, I was fortunate enough to be able to contact my friend and he gave me the much-needed pick-me-up to boost my spirit. I can't say he completed my day, but well, he gave me enough fuel to keep me going for a few days so yes, I am grateful to him.

Sigh. Such a crazy day. Who would have thought I would be feeling sad at the end of this day?

FAST TRAIN

Miss this about Japan too...

TITA JOSIE'S BIRTHDAY

It's 7:44pm and mom, dad, the boys and I just came from a party. It's my grandmother's sister's 80th birthday today (paternal side). It was not a BIG celebration. It was held at a small restaurant not too far from our home. Most of the guests were family at the party so it was quite a private affair. It was nice to see Tita Josie or Tita Epang (this is how we call her although her full name is Josefa) after some years. I usually see her and her family at some of my grandmother's parties. I used to think that they looked so different. My grandmother was on the plump side (she has passed away already). But Tita Josie is tall and slim. Although they have the same facial features, they aged differently and now, at 80, Tita Josie is still strong as ever. She walks without hobbling and still stands quite straight. I really wish that when I turn 80 I could be as strong and healthy as she is. Anyway, I had a nice time talking to my cousins, seeing familiar faces and of course, eating delicious food. I loved the cream puffs. I just got 1 for myself (it was so tiny) but when I went back to the buffet to get more, there were none left. I guess it was for the best or all the exercising I have been doing will be all for naught. Some family members gave speeches and my cousin sang a couple of songs to entertain the guests. After that, pretty much everyone were ready to leave the party. Here in Zamboanga, a party running for 3 hours is okay. Four hours and it's too long already. Some guests are careful in leaving parties early too because they don't want to offend the host/hostess. Plus, they usually wait until they get their souvenir before saying their goodbyes. Anyway, the party today started at 4pm so it was quite all right for the guests to leave at around 7pm. By the time we said our goodbyes, I think there were only a handful of people left.

This month has been a month for parties, I think. It started with Uncle Ben's birthday at the beach, then Kat's pool party, and on that same day, Auntie Nene's (mom's relative) birthday. On April 20, my cousin is celebrating his birthday and on that same day, I was invited by a friend to his mom and dad's wedding anniversary dinner. Of course today was another celebration. Hmmm... my prediction for 2007 seems to be going the right way so far. =D

RUTHER'S OFFICE

Queen Square Towers at Yokohama. Ruther's office building is the rightmost (Tower A).

BOOK OF THE WEEK

This is the book I am currently reading right now. Since I was done with the Mary Higgins Clark book several days ago, I decided to try reading another genre. So, when I browsed through my mom's collection of books (which is a LOT, mind you), I decided to read this. No, I haven't watched the movie yet (I know, I know, you don't have to say it...) so I thought of reading the story first. When I have the time (and the books on hand), I usually like to read the book first before watching the movie so I could compare and see how faithful the movie was to the story, check the authenticity of the characters, etc. I did this with the Harry Potter books, Jurassic Park and other novels. Sometimes, I'm happy with the outcome of the movie, but other times, I wished they followed the book more thoroughly. But anyway, that's just me.

So far, I am enjoying this book a lot. The author, in the beginning of the book described the difference between an autobiography and a memoir. But I think the way Sayuri's story was told was wonderful. It was as if she really was telling the story herself (could already hear her voice whispering in my ear as I went from page to page) and the author just arranged the whole thing from start to finish. Sometimes, I could already imagine the little fishing village of Yoroido and the streets of Kyoto as she vividly described it. I could imagine the smell of the fish, the sights, the colors of the kimonos, life in the okiya and how things were back then. It truly is a wonderful book. My only disappointment was knowing that Sayuri is no longer alive to regale us more about her life back then...

I am really looking forward to finishing this book. I am currently halfway through it after starting to read it just 2 days ago. Already, I have learned so much. It was fascinating to read about superstitions like women and fishing do not mix and sparking a flint on the back for good luck. I find the second one fascinating because I saw this done in a Japanese tv drama Gokusen and I wondered why it was so. So now I know. But then again, I don't know HOW it is interpreted as good luck. I'll have to research on that later on... I also learned about how geishas learn about the different arts like singing, dancing and tea ceremonies. It really is like opening the door to another world.

After I read this book, I think I will take some time to absorb the stories in it. I have a small notebook that I keep with me so when I read about something interesting, I write it down and look it up on the internet and read more about it later on. After I'm done with the book, I will do this. Maybe I won't watch the movie immediately after I read the book. I think it will be like killing whatever fascination I had with the stories in the book. So maybe I'll watch the movie in a month or two (okay, I'm silly but that's the way I am =D). I was kind of thinking that I wanted Nakama Yukie to be Sayuri in the movie instead of Zhang Ziyi. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't like her but I just think that it's fitting to give a Japanese role to a Japanese woman, right? But maybe I'm a bit biased because I just like Nakama Yukie a lot and I think she would look really pretty in the movie. =D But anyway, when you do get a chance, read this book and be prepared to be blown away to another world. =D

STILL MISSING JAPAN...

I miss Japan a lot. I miss the culture, the people, the sights, but mostly being close to Ruther and forming wonderful memories. I feel very sad and when I look at all the photos we took while we were there. It was such a great thing, living together in Japan. We learned how to live, just the 4 of us. We never got to do that in Manila because we live with Ruther's parents. But in Japan, it was wonderful. Sure, Ruther's company takes care of the monthly rent and utilities (to a certain extent) but after our trip to Japan I realized, it was not so scary being on our own. Before we experienced this, I had qualms about migration plans (reasons for leaving the Philippines will take too much space here but ask me again next time) because I was worried that the boys would have a hard time adjusting, that we might not adapt to the new place, that we would all be stressed out, etc. But living in Japan opened my eyes to the possibility that it could work for us. It DID work for us actually. So maybe migrating is not as scary as I first thought. Hopefully, that is in God's plan for us. I just really want us to be together already. The boys are growing fast and I'm sure Ruther does not want to be constantly away from us. So maybe in the next few years or so we will see ourselves living happily in a new country.

CARL JUNG SAID...

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

HAPPY DAY...

Remembering the good times... (at Yamate, Yokohama)

TGIF

When I woke up this morning at around 8am, the sky was really dark and I was so sure it was going to rain. But well, not even the smallest drop fell from the sky the entire day, so woe is me. I was really hoping for some rains to 1. cool the air a bit, 2. provide water in reservoirs and 3. bring that fresh scent that usually comes after the rains. Oh well...

.....

We went to town today and I hoped to find some nice shoes for the boys. They need formal shoes for a party this Sunday and I too, need some sandals to match my black dress. Ethan needs another pair of sandals as well since his current ones look so used up my mom is begging me to throw them away. So, okay, sandals for Ethan too. Unfortunately, we were not able to find shoes at the mall we went to this afternoon so I have to go back to town tomorrow and search through other shops to find and buy everything we need for Sunday. Hopefully, Mommy will be able to keep an eye on the boys while I'm doing the shopping in town.

.....

I have been having some neck aches since yesterday. I'm not sure if it's because I did something wrong during the workout last Thursday or if I positioned my head wrong while sleeping because when I try to move/twist my head to the right, it kinda hurts a bit. Just a bit but it's still quite uncomfortable. It's like I have this crick in my neck. I might have to apply some liniment on it tonight and hopefully it'll be gone tomorrow...

WHITE

This photo was taken one cloudy day last September 2006 at the Sacred Heart Cathedral (Japan).

FILIPINO FAMILY TRAITS

Filipinos highly value the presence of their families more than anything. Regardless of the liberal influence they have gotten from the west, the family remained the basic unit of their society. This trait clearly shows among Filipinos abroad who suffer homesickness and tough work just to support their families back home in the Philippines.

In a traditional Filipino family, the father is considered the head and the provider of the family while the mother takes responsibility of the domestic needs and in charge of the emotional growth and values formation of the children. They both perform different tasks and being remarked separately by the children. Children see their mothers soft and calm, while they regard their fathers as strong and the most eminent figure in the family.

Because of this remarkable closeness, parents sometimes have difficulties letting go of their children and thus results to having them stay for as long as they want. For this somehow explains why grandparents are commonly seen living with their children in the Philippines. Unlike the way people grow old in the west where they are provided with outside homes and care giving, Filipino elderly enjoy their remaining lives inside their houses with their children and grandchildren looking after them.

Another trait Filipinos made themselves exceptional from others is their strong respect for elders. Children are taught from birth how to say “po” and “opo” to teach them as early as possible how to properly respect their elders. These words are used to show respect to people of older level. Even adults will be criticized for not using these words when speaking with their parents or people older than them. Inside the family, the parents are expected to receive the highest respect from the children along with the elder siblings; as they are given more responsibilities to look after younger siblings when parents are not around.

Children fighting back or addressing parents or elder siblings with arrogant tone are not at all tolerated. They are also not allowed to leave the house without their parents’ permission. Upon arriving home, conservative families expect children to practice the kissing of hands or placing their parents or elder family members’ hand to their foreheads with the words “mano po” as a sort of greeting.

Even after finishing school, Filipino children are not obliged to get out of their homes unless they want to. In fact, most of them keep their close relationship to their parents by staying at least before they get married. Leaving them happens only when they really have to, but usually, at least one child, depending on his willingness and financial capabilities, stay even after marriage to support and look after their aging parents.

More over, Filipinos keep close connection with other relatives. They recognize them from 2nd degree to the last they can identify. As Filipinos say, “not being able to know a relative is like turning their backs from where they come from

LIZARD

I took this photo 3 nights back. Just thought the lizard looked good as a silhouette.

TIRING THURSDAY

This morning, mommy, daddy and I went to the grandstand for some aerobic exercise. I figured, since I was not able to go for the past several days, I was due for a workout. So, despite sleeping so late last night, I woke up a few minutes before 5am. When we got to the grandstand it was around 530, but we noticed that the sky was not as dark as the previous days. Anyway, the exercise was good, although I did not get to do much of the lower back exercises because I'm prone to lower back pains and if I'm not careful, I'll be doing more harm than good. But the whole work-out was great.

.....

Last night, at around 11pm, the phone rang. Since I knew that mom and dad were asleep already, I answered it. A woman said, "Hello? Nandyan si Manong Elvin? (Is Elvin there?)" Elvin is my mom's brother but he lives in another house (but in the same street/area where we live). I was going to say that but I recognized the voice and instead asked, "Auntie Ella?" Sure enough it was my aunt from Canada. She called our number instead of her brother's cellphone number! Boy, was she surprised. She had no idea how the call came through to me (maybe call forwarding?) but she was still glad to chat with me. We talked about many things, including her daughter and my new cousin, Shini, who will be turning 1 on June 12, coincidentally the same birthday as Ethan! We talked about Japan, about Ruther, the boys, and oh, so many other things... It was such a lovely surprise. I am quite close with my aunts on my mom's side so it was great to hear from them. Anyway, we eventually ended the call and then I realized that I was no longer sleepy! So, I finished reading Pretend You Don't See Her and I think I nodded off at around 2am...

.....

This afternoon, my cousins and I played some badminton. It was terribly hot at the court (there was no air conditioning) but we had tremendous fun. We just played for an hour but it was pretty intensive. Good thing I was able to nap for a bit this morning after my bath or I would not have had the energy to play this afternoon. And good thing mom was home to keep an eye on the boys... =D

SHIRO

I know I previously posted photos of Shiro but I think this is such a cute photo of him, I really could not resist. =D

WARM WEDNESDAY

It was quite humid this morning, I thought that it was going to rain this afternoon. But it didn't turn out that way. =(

.....


When I was at the supermarket the other day, I came across this:






Apparently, this is some kind of hair vitamin (as it says so on the packaging). Since I just had my hair cut and I still want to grow my hair long, I thought it would be a good idea to try it out.

After I read the instructions, I found out that I'm supposed to apply this after I bathe, while my hair is still damp. And so I did. One capsule was not sufficient for my entire head so I simply applied what I could on the ends. After all, this is just a "trial" for now. I didn't want to use these everyday because I still don't know how my hair was going to react to the "vitamin" and another thing, it's not easy to buy these every week. It's not that expensive though (it costs around P35, approximately less than a dollar), but still...

Anyway, I think it's still too early to tell if there are results already. But maybe after a month or two, I'll check my hair for split-ends and damages. If not, then maybe I'll continue using this product.


.....


The book I am currently reading (by Mary Higgins Clark) is better than the one I read previously. I am almost done with it. And I thought I was going to finish it in a few days' time. I think by tonight, I'd get to know the end of the story.

.....

Nikki wants to go back to the pool where we went to last Saturday. He has been announcing to everyone here at home that "On Saturdays, we go to the pool and swim." Hmmm... Seems like he has assigned a pool day for the week. He already knows that Sunday is for church and now, he's planning to make Saturdays the day for swimming. I really don't mind but the place we went to last Saturday was far from home and thus, really inconvenient. So I'm planning to either let him swim in a pool in one of the hotels nearby (dunno how much THAT will cost) OR buy an inflatable pool that is much deeper than his previous ones. I just don't know if those pools are sold here in Zamboanga. I know there are many in Manila, so I asked my sister to check them out for me.

Oh yes, Nikki has this cute way of saying "electricity". When we were downstairs at the basement to get more books for them to read, one lightbulb was not working. He noticed it and told me, "Mommy, this one has no electric-city." =D

TRICYCLES IN THE PHILIPPINES

Tricycles

What: motorcycles with a sidecar (passenger-cabin) on a third wheel attached
Where: everywhere, especially on smaller roads for short distances, often on roads where jeepneys or busses are not supposed to operate
The engines of the tricycles range from 50cc up to about 125cc

http://www.philippines.hvu.nl/transport3.htm

Short distance and feeder trips could not be more exciting than via quick modest transports that ply even the toughest and roughest roads in the Philippines. The tricycle is a motorcycle with a sidecar, and the pedicab is a bicycle with a sidecar. These vehicles, familiar sights traversing residential routes and arterial roads, have offered much relief to commuters – especially in areas in the provinces where there are insufficient bus and jeepney services. Tricycles and pedicabs go where the brave yet heavy transports dare not go, getting people around despite heavy floods, road construction, and extreme traffic conditions. http://www.tourism.gov.ph/wow/wild_over_wheels.asp

FLASHBACK 2002

This is Nikki, barely a year old. He really loved the water even then... =D