TWO DAYS

So, we have only 2 more days to go and we will be flying to Japan. I am having mixed emotions about this. But of course Nikki is excited. This will be our third time in Japan and our first time to stay for a year straight. I'm planning to look for part-time work while there and I hope I'll be successful. I wouldn't mind babysitting, dog-walking or tutoring. I'd be happy to earn in my own time, my own way. Who knows it might be a successful venture?

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So, did you get to see the solar eclipse last Wednesday? We did for a short while. The sun was only covered 1/3 before the moon moved away. Nikki got to see the sun partially eclipsed and he found it really fascinating. We got to look at photos of a total solar eclipse on the internet and we reviewed how that came to be. It's nice to see Nikki so interested in science. Anyway, I'm already planning some interesting activities for us while in Japan. I know our preparations for Japan threw our homeschooling out of whack but I'm planning on getting back on track once we get there.

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I'm seriously thinking CABLE. For Japan that is. Ethan learns a lot from Playhouse Disney and Nikki enjoys some of the shows on Cartoon Network. I think it would be a good idea to have cable in our apartment in Japan. I have yet to discuss this with Ruther, of course, but I think the battle is already half-won because my husband particularly loves to watch tv shows. Anyway, we'll have to wait and see though. As most people know, things aren't necessarily cheap in Japan.

BIRTHDAY PHOTO

Taken during my birthday. Aren't the glasses cute? :)

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON A RAINY DAY

Today has been a rainy day and it looks like it's going to be a rainy night as well. Apparently, there's a typhoon in the country. My first thought about this was "Oh those poor kids!" Not only will the students be wet from the rain, classes will surely be suspended for sure. And I was right.

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It's been so cool today. I've been worried about Nikki's cold. I usually just take it easy when the boys have a little cough or cold or fever. But with Nikki's condition I know I can't risk even the slightest illness. So I'm giving him some Vitamin C just to boost his immune system. Hopefully his cold will be gone in a few days.

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Because of the rains, I had to keep an eye on the drips in the boys' room downstairs. Part of the east wall of their room has drips. It's really a nuisance but I can't do anything about it now that we're going to leave soon. I suppose I just have to hope that there won't be any super typhoons while we're gone or the drips will be kept to a minimum. I hope.

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Been thinking of how to properly advertise my services for sitting and/or English tutoring once I'm in Japan. I have no idea what to put on the flyer although I do have an idea where to put them. There usually are bulletin boards outside train stations so I could post the flyers there. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some good clients. I'm actually quite excited to try it out. Not only will it be easier for me (part-time will be best because I'm planning to continue homeschooling the boys) but I'll be happy to earn while I'm there. So yeah, looking forward to that.

FINALLY GOT THEM

Well, I have more good news. We got our visas for Japan today. That means, all we have to do is get our plane tickets and we're off!

I don't know exactly how I'm supposed to feel about the whole thing. Of course, I'm glad that we will be reunited with Ruther (that's a given) but of course, there are other things that bother me. But I'll cross that road when I'm there.

I've started packing stuff. I know, I know. But that's who I am. I like to be prepared. There are still a few other things I have to ready before I'm completely done with the packing. I've made a list and I'll probably be getting them next week. They're mostly food for the boys and Ruther, some pasalubong for Ruther's officemates and some other minor things. I just hope I won't forget anything once we leave.

I've called Japan Airlines (JAL) and Philippine Airlines (PAL) to compare their fares to Narita Airport. Tickets with 6-months validity and 12-months validity have different rates, I found out. A round trip PAL ticket valid for a year is around $835. JAL's is $756. Considering that there will be three of us, it's quite expensive! So I'm now planning on getting a one-way ticket instead. PAL's is $386 and JAL's is $372. So, considering that JAL's rate is cheaper and since we've already flown JAL before and thoroughly enjoyed the service, we'll be once more flying JAL this time. I'm sure the boys will love that. :)

Other things I have to do is change money. I have to get some yen before we go. Hopefully I'll be able to do that in the next few days and hopefully there will be enough to last us a few months before I find some part-time work. I'm most concerned about using the money for food and of course, the boys' milk because they still pretty much drink milk everyday, especially Ethan. And we all know very well that food in Japan cost a lot.

Anyway, if everything goes well, this means we'll be in Japan before the month is over. Wish us luck?

ANOTHER YEAR OLDER

Well, my birthday has come and gone. I won't even dwell on it. I (used to) love special occasions. I (used to) get all giddy and excited when it's a special holiday or when a family member is celebrating their special day. I still feel happy about their birthdays. Mine however is another matter. For me it's just another day. It simply means that I'm another year older. I don't mind getting old. That's not even an issue with me.

The best gift I received for my birthday was not wrapped in fancy paper or worth a penny. But it was even greater than that. I got what I needed. And I was ever so glad that I got it from a really special person. Because truly, I wouldn't know what I would have done if that person wasn't there for me.

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I know I've been a wet blanket for the past weeks. I'm sorry about that. It's not that I want to be this depressing person. I just wrote what I felt. And believe me when I say half of what I wrote doesn't even come close to what I truly felt then. When I say "sad" or "depressed" or "low", multiply that by a hundred thousand and maybe you'll have an idea. (Do I imagine you nodding your head now?)

Anyway, I'm taking baby steps. Starting the healing process and such. It's definitely not easy but at least I know I have an angel to watch over me this time around.

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And now for some good news. We finally got our Certificate of Eligibility from Japan. Yes, we could finally apply for our visa, which I did yesterday. Friday was my birthday and I didn't feel like going to Makati so it was a good thing the accredited agency was open on a Saturday. I left the house at 645 in the morning and was in Makati at 730 which was way too early because the agency opened at 8am. I had to wait but I didn't mind because I was first in line and everything went well so far. Upon checking, the agent verified that our documents were complete. That was a relief. I paid P6,900 for everything. The agency fee was P900 (each) and the visa was P1400 (each) which isn't so bad I suppose. All I have to do now is wait.

I remember the last time we applied for our visa. I was so elated when we got it. This time around I'm just waiting for our passports to arrive. If we get our visa, okay. If not, okay. I don't want to have to pretend that I'm all excited and giddy and anxious when I'm honestly and truthfully not. Just goes to show that so much can change in just a few months. Sometimes I think I don't even recognize myself anymore.

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Today is my brother's birthday. He's 4 years younger than me. Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. She's a whole year older. Yup, we were all born in the same month. Cool, right? I suppose it's great that my siblings and I have the same birth month. We do have different personalities but ending up in the same month somehow makes us understand one another in a sharing-the-same-horoscope way. I can't even remember if we fought. We did have some little grudges but never major fights. And whenever my sister and I would have a misunderstanding, we would express ourselves through letters. It's just the way we are. We really find it a whole lot easier to share serious and private issues through writing.

This is perhaps the first time ever that we didn't get to do anything for our birthdays. We usually go out and have dinner somewhere or my mom would come over and spend our birthdays with us. But this year, it's different. It's a whole lot of different. Not that I mind. With the state that I'm in, I'm really in no mood for revelry. But of course, I did greet my brother today and will greet my sis tomorrow. I might bring the boys to the mall tomorrow so we could buy some presents for them. Being not in the mood for a celebration doesn't mean I don't love my siblings enough to get them presents. Never mind me. I want them to be happy on their special days.

WALL-E

Practicing my shots. :D

MOVIE TIME

Today I brought Nikki to the the movie theatre. It's his first time. He was supposed to watch The Incredibles at the theatre but he got scared and never went through with it. I think he was around 5 then. Anyway, a few days ago I told Nikki that I was going to take him to the movies to watch Ice Age 3. He's quite familiar with the story already so I was sure he was not going to wonder about the characters. I decided to leave Ethan at home because (being wary of the dark) I was sure he was going to put up a fuss. We left the house at a few minutes past 10 and when we got to the mall, we found out that that movie was going to start at 11:15. So we bought some food first and some snacks. At 11am we headed back, bought our tickets which cost P132 each, and went inside the theatre. We were the only people inside so I quickly decided to take Nikki's photo to document his first time inside the moviehouse. Nikki wasn't scared at all. He was fascinated, in fact. He looked about him and he was really interested in the small windows at tha back where the projector was. Anyway, a few minutes after that, the trailers started and after the 5th or sixth one, Nikki commented, "Why isn't the movie starting?" I explained to him that they were showing future movies. It's just too bad that they didn't show the trailer of the movie Up. It would have been nice to see that. Anyway, once the movie began Nikki just watched it all. He of course, couldn't help talking about certain scenes in the movie and he would forget to keep his voice low but I would just whisper to him to just talk softly so as not to disturb the other moviegoers. Anyway, we loved the movie. It was funny and it was nice to see the pack grow with Peaches. Personally, I love Peaches.

Anyway, I'm having some misgivings on taking Ethan to the movie theatre because I think he's really not ready for it yet. For one thing, he dislikes new and unfamiliar places. Secondly, he doesn't like the dark and lastly, he doesn't like it when a place gets too loud. But Ruther wants me to try at least just so Ethan will have an idea how it is inside the mall. Well, we'll have to see how that turns out then...

IS IT SUMMER AGAIN?

It's gotten so warm the past few days you'd think it was summer in the Philippines again. My sister and I were walking home from the mall one time and we were complaining about the humidity and the really warm wind. It was not comfy at all. Lately, I've resorted to turning on the air conditioning in the afternoons to keep the boys cool. I just don't want to risk getting the boys sick with this A(H1N1) virus all over the metro. I remember a time when the boys were little, I would turn the aircon on for an hour or so in the middle of the day and then just use the fan to keep us cool for the rest of the afternoon. But I didn't realize that the humidity and terrible hot weather could affect us even within the house. So the boys developed a cough then (dry cough) and I got so scared. Now, I don't want to risk that again. So in the afternoons, I gauge the temperature outside (we need a thermometer badly I know) and turn on the aircon for a maximum of 3 hours. I usually turn it on at 1pm and then set it on timer for 1 1/2 hour initially. If it's still too hot, I leave it on for another hour or so. By 4pm, it gets a whole lot cooler so we could use the fan/s confortably at around that time. We never got used to using misters here in the Philippines which I think is sad because we need it really bad. The first time the boys and I experienced misters was at Tokyo Disneyland and it was so refreshing. I think the malls and establishments around here should think of putting misters as well. I think it would be a great idea.

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I love watching Pucca every afternoon. Disney Channel recently added that new tv show to their schedule and every afternoon at 5 Nikki and I watch it. It's pretty funny and Pucca is so cute. I think I was like her for a time. Haha! But really, I think she's adorable if not extremely moody. Makes me want to have a Pucca doll.

Hmmm...

AIR BEDS

I think air matresses or air beds are handy and convenient. My mother-in-law bought a couple and we got to use them for a time. The bed was big and comfy once pumped into the right firmness. It was however, prone to moving about the linoleum floor but we remedied that with a few non-slip mats underneath. The air bed we had then was not the high-end type. The air pump took a few minutes to inflate the bed (which I feel took too long) and it got hot in such a short while that we had to turn it off to cool it down then after a few minutes, resume pumping air into the bed. It was not very convenient, let me tell you. But then again, it surely beats having to purchase a queen-sized mattress. Also, the one great thing about air beds is storage. I'm thinking it would be great for our apartment in Japan because aside from the super small space we have there, sleeping on futons is not that comfy. I'm thinking an elevated queen air mattress would be great for Ruther and me and the boys could sleep on the loft. However, I would want an airbed that would inflate and deflate in less than a minute, has a very good air pump, wouldn't easily break or have punctures and has a very good repair kit. That's how my mother-in-law's air beds lost their appeal. They punctured easily and we didn't have patches for the punctures and now, they are stored in the attic. With that in mind, I don't think (should I own an air bed in the future) that I would be bringing an air bed with me for outdoor activities. I'm thinking it would simply be too inconvenient to lug one around in the Philippines. I mean, where would I plug the air pump in a rustic barrio? Plus, I'm sure the rough terrain would puncture tons of holes onto the mattress. So, if I had an air mattress, I would most probably use it for our apartment in Japan or, if we had a home of our own and had guests over, maybe as an instant bed for them. Other than that, I'm sticking to my own nice, old-fashioned mattress, thank you very much.

JULY

It's July. Can you believe the year is halfway over? I used to get so excited about such things but now, it's like everything's new again. Or rather, different. My perspective in life has changed since last year and sometimes I wonder about how things can change for one person in an instant. It's like one minute you're asleep and the next you're suddenly awake. And it's strange and so new and so... disturbing. It's hard actually.

July. Summer for some countries. July has always been a rainy month for me. It's always been like that, I guess. Maybe this month will be different, who knows? Life can be so unpredictable.

I hardly ever get a good night's rest these days. There's just too much in my mind I suppose for my poor brain to shut down for a moment's peace. I suppose that's really my fault but it's not like I can help it. From the time I slept til the time I got out of bed, I woke up at 6 different times. SIX. I'm a light sleeper but I know that's not normal.

This is the only year I guess where I did not make any resolution. I usually have a plan or two (or four) once January sets in, sort of a reminder of what to do/expect for the coming year but this year, I didn't even bother. It's just a whole lot of different this year I guess. Yup. A whole lot of different.

The year is halfway over. And I can't even tell if the first half was all right. I guess I was in limbo most of the time to notice. Maybe one of these days I'll snap out of this weird funk. Who knows? Maybe the 2nd half of this year will be good, maybe it won't. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. After all, what else can I do, right?

NOODLES

colorful...

BY MYSELF

I haven't been in a blogging mood lately. I know exactly why but of course, I'm not writing that down here because it's too personal. Let's just say that I have a LOT on my mind these days. Good or bad, I have yet to see where things will lead to in the future. Right now I'm not really concerned about how things'll turn out. I'm just here to wait and see.

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I think it's nice to sometimes just spend some time alone. Just me and my thoughts and no one else around. Sometimes I think I could survive in an empty beach resort with just me, the beach, a ton of books and of course some pen and paper. No techie stuff at all. Yup, I could do that. Without a care at all. It'll be a retreat from all the weird stuff happening around me and the world. A sort of vacation for myself. Unfortunately, I can only have my vacation in my head. But that doesn't mean the places I go to aren't as lovely as I imagine them to be. Maybe one day I'll find that place especially made for me.

SAD DAY

I was so sad to hear about Michael Jackson's death. I know probably a million people out there will be blogging about this but I just can't help but feel terrible about the news. He's been a great music icon, probably misunderstood most of the time and criticized terribly for deeds he's done but no one can deny that he's transformed music in his own way. And despite all the negative publicity that surrounded him, he really was the "King of Pop".

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And then Farrah Fawcett was also in the news. This is turning out to be a sad sad day for fans. I know she was a great fashion icon. I didn't know about the cancer though. I wish the television networks would bring back the original Charlie's Angels tv series so I could watch it.

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Been thinking about a lot of things today. That pretty much kept me preoccupied. Hopefully 5-10 years from now, I'll be able to say definitely that everything's A-OK in my life.

We'll see.

GETTING RID OF DOG FLEAS

I don't have a pet but my in-laws have a dog. His name is Chow-chow and nope, he's not of the Chow breed. We just called him that because he liked to chow down his food when he was little. Anyway, we do have a lot of dogs in Zamboanga and I'm quite fond of the canine family. What I'm not fond of however, are the parasites that these dogs bring. I am quite allergic to insect bites so I have to make sure that I don't get bitten by dog fleas. Thankfully though, we haven't had a flea infestation at home so that's good. But that doesn't mean Chow-chow does not have fleas. In fact, he's been having some flea and tick problems which isn't a pretty sight. His shampoo doesn't seem to help much either but I encountered this site which tackles flea problems in pets. The article says that fleas could give your dog anemia, tapeworms and dermatitis. Ewww. Also, aside from giving regular baths and using flea shampoos, it says that treating the places where the dog hangs out often is important as well. I didn't know that. They suggested using moth crystals to keep those pesky fleas from infesting the home so I think we're going to do that. I really wouldn't want the boys to get flea bites. So I hope Chow-chow is ready for his bath tomorrow...

PAINFUL

Sometimes I wish some things never occurred in my life. I'm only human. I'm not one to admit I have the perfect life. I also know that I am someone so easily affected by things that come my way, especially things that affect me emotionally. I have never been a strong person. Of course, I hardly ever show my vulnerability to other people but when I am alone I sometimes feel so overwhelmed with emotions and I feel as though I am alone in the world. Yes, I know. I'm a crybaby. That's who I am. I'm the type of person who cries during touching commercials, while watching sad movies, while listening to sentimental music, while reading romantic stories, while watching really expressive dancing or even watching my loved ones sleep. I cry. And I get hurt. And I don't know why it's hard for me to let go of things that weigh so heavily in my heart but it's just so hard. It's like there's this thorn lodged deep inside my heart that there's no way of removing it without dying. That's how I feel. And the only respite I get from the pain is when I'm asleep because when I'm awake, it's like a fresh wound everyday. And I have no idea how to escape from it. Sometimes I look outside the window and wonder about life in general and the answer is lost in the chasm of uncertainty that hounds my future. Sometimes I wonder about my purpose. I used to think that I somehow figured that one out but of course, life throws you a curve ball. And along with the surprise comes hurt and a lotta pain. And I don't know what to do and I don't know how to get rid of this pain. I try to be strong for my family. I know I need emotional support (a whole LOT of it right now) because I know I'm prone to depressive moods and who knows when I'm going to snap out of it. But it's really really hard. I sometimes just hear a word and then shooting pain rips my heart in two. I hear a title of a song and I recall the painful things almost instantaneously. There's just no stopping it. I'm just really helpless when it comes to my emotions. I have tremendous love for the world. But I also feel tremendous pain when things take a wrong turn. I can't say "life sucks" because I know that that's how life is. I just want to know "Why"?

ZONE FOCUSING

I've had my D50 for less than a year and I still have a lot of learning to do. Now that I'm in Manila I hardly ever have time to go out and take photographs which is why I try to find things around the house to practice my shots on (still photography). I've been meaning to take a stroll around the neighborhood and just photograph whatever comes my way but unfortunately, it's been raining for the past days and I never got the chance. So maybe one of these days I'll be able to find the time and opportunity. Anyway, despite having my cam for several months now, I have yet to master all those photographic terms such as f-stop, ISO, shutter lag, depth of field, etc. It's not easy to remember such things especially since I'm not very technical. But as always, I find that constant practice, research and study help me to remember what to do at certain situations. Well, sometimes anyway. I try to read and find helpful photography tips from time to time and I found this article on zone focusing very helpful. My constant frustration when taking photos is blurriness. My hands are a bit shaky and without a tripod it is difficult getting sharp photos especially in low light. The article says to use a fast shutter speed and to pick the smallest f-stop to maximize depth of field. Frankly, when I take photos, I just point and shoot and then check the LCD and then tweak my settings accordingly. I'm not savvy in manipulating the settings yet but hopefully with tips like this I'll figure it out eventually. Anyway, the article further says that using this type of zone focusing is great for taking photos of crowds of people (like get-togethers). I would want to practice doing that but I'll have to go to either Makati or somewhere really crowded to try that out and I'm not very comfortable going around public places here in the Philippines with a DSLR in tow. Maybe I could do that in Japan because I feel a lot safer lugging my camera around there. Here, not too much. It's just risky especially since I'm female and I'm not very aggressive. So maybe I'll try the zone focusing next time. But for now, I'm quite happy with all the tips I'm getting and learning. I even have my tiny notebook to bring with me at all times where I could check and verify my settings and such. It's quite handy. Hopefully I'll be able to find more helpful tips online.

WRONG AGAIN

I was told yesterday by people here at home to prepare candles for a possible blackout that might happen sometime in the middle of the night. They watched the early evening news and according to PAGASA (the weather bureau), the storm that is currently in the Philippines might become stronger at around 9pm onwards. I said, "PAGASA has never been accurate in their predictions and I don't think it's going to change tonight." And I was right. As always, the only accurate prediction about PAGASA is their wrong prediction on the weather. Duh.

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I've been searching for DS games for the boys these past days. Since Ethan loves to play DS games, I thought of adding some more educational games to their game unit. Ethan learned the hiragana and katakana just by playing Anpanman. I have that game in my DS with the hope of learning nihongo myself. Anyway, I found some nice ones like Crazy Machines (physics-like with levers and ramps and strategically maneuvering those to make a course), Music (all about music: compositions, notes, etc.), My Japanese Coach (yup, teaches Nihongo) and a few other games. I hope to add more thinking and learning games soon. I just have a difficult time searching for games and then reviewing them and then testing them out. But then again, the rewards are so great so I guess it's all right. :)

RAINY DAY

see the ant?