Just one more day and Ruther will be back in Japan. Just writing that here already saddens me. I could feel my heart weeping with the same familiar and sharp pain that accompanies such depressing thoughts. I know that again, life will just be muted while he's not with me. It's always been like that so I suppose I have to brace myself for tomorrow.
I could hear him snoring softly behind me on the bed. He was so tired from yesterday because he woke up so early and lacked sleep. I know he will be surprised to see me awake and up already when he gets up later. It's only 530am right now. I guess I just can't rest knowing that in less than 24 hours, I won't have my husband beside me again. As always, that scares me and really depresses me. The other day while I was with my brother-in-law Russell dining, we talked about Ruther's departure. I said that I still can't really think about it because I don't know how I'll feel then and I don't want to ruin the next few days by being mopey. He commented that I should be used to this by now and I said never. It's never going to be any easier for me. Really. I mean, sure, some people would say that you get used to it as years go by and it'll be easier to handle and some people actually DO get used to it and accept it, but I guess I'm just different because everytime this happens, it's the same painful experience over again. It's the same wrenching sharp pain the the heart, it's the same sadness, it's the same longing for a better tomorrow. I just wish this would not happen any more.
One more day. Who knows what could happen, right? Maybe next year will finally be the year where we finally start living permanently together. That's not too much to hope for, is it?
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2 comments:
Awww, Yette...I feel your pain. And I would start worrying if you ever got 'used to' the idea of him leaving. It's because you love him so much that it pains you like it does.
That is so hard, being apart like that. I'll pray that somehow, some way this will be the year you all can finally be together permanently. The Lord knows that this sort of arrangement is hard on a family. Keep trusting that He will provide a way, and that the time will go quickly while you are apart!
i know it's really hard to be away from loved ones. i'm wishing all the best for your family..that the dream of you living together permanently happens real soon. :)
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