Sick of Covid

 No, I'm not sick WITH Covid. I'm sick OF it. I just want it over with. Ugh. 

I know people will say "get over yourself", "you're lucky you're okay", "you should be grateful you have a roof over your head, you're eating and your family is safe", yada yada yada. And I get it. And I AM grateful, believe me. I'm glad that Ruther is working from home and safe. I'm glad the boys' education is still ongoing despite the epidemic, I'm happy that we are not starving or destitute. Yes, I am glad and grateful.

But sometimes, when you think about it, and you've been stuck at home for 7 months, it can be very trying. Twenty-four/seven chores with very little breaks can take a mental toll on someone. 

Enter April 2020. For 3 whole weeks I was just feeling so lousy. I wasn't in the mood to talk, I wanted to be by myself, I was grouchy, I would think about my cousin who passed and cry, I would not have the energy to do the things that I used to enjoy... It just wasn't me. And I knew it. I didn't talk to my sister who is my confidant. I didn't like to share anything. I just wanted to be alone. But I got out from under that cloud. Eventually. It took some time but I was able to rouse myself and tell myself to just get over it. And somehow I did. Was it all in my head? Maybe. Hormones? For 3 weeks? I don't think so. My sister said it was because of the quarantine. It was taking a toll on me. And I suppose she's right. I's hard to act cheerful all the time at home when you're neck deep in Mommy duties.

Christmas is coming up. And I don't even have the energy to decorate. I just think, what for? Who's going to see the decorations? Who's coming to celebrate? Ugh. So depressing.

Even shopping is dull. You shop online and it just saps the energy from you. Choose, click, add to cart. Ugh.

When I look at our family albums, I really and truly miss our adventures. I'm not talking about travelling outside the Philippines. Just family trips anywhere nearby. We bond, have lunch together, discover new things, new experiences... Now, it's like pulling teeth. I have to constantly think of ideas and research activities for the boys to do at home. It's very time-consuming, stressful and tiring, to be honest. But of course, I still do it. What else can we do at home? Just sit and watch TV? Sigh.

WHY did 2020 have to happen? 😩😩😩You were supposed to be a stupendous year! Now you just suck.