AS I LAY...

I cannot even describe how content I feel right now. It is 1:35 in the morning and I have just finished reading my book. Ruther is fast asleep and gently snoring. The boys are also happily coasting off in dreamland. I know that after I write this and lie down in bed, I would drift off almost immediately. It feels so wonderful being here with Ruther. Back in Manila, every night is always a pinch in my heart with the realization that Ruther and I are once more sleeping separately, that we were not going to kiss each other good night, that miles and miles of space are between us. I always feel morose and depressed as I go to bed because that's when I miss Ruther the most and when his absence is the most noticeable. I usually delay sleep for as long as I could because lying in bed awake and missing your husband is not a good combination when you're a sensitive soul (like me). I remember so many nights when I would cry myself to sleep. Sometimes, I would lie in bed and wonder if Ruther was snoring at that moment, or if he was still awake at such a late hour or if he would get up early the next morning. Now that we are together, I do not have such worries when I lay my head on my pillow. I could just open my eyes and he'll be there, I would reach for him and he's beside me in an instant. I've always told Ruther I'm a very physical, touchy-feely person and really, I am. Sometimes, words are just not enough to tell someone how you really, truly and honestly love him. I just don't want to be apart from Ruther anymore. This person makes me happy and makes me content. I feel that I'm not me when I'm not with him (I know some people will disagree with this but I really don't care). I feel that when I'm with Ruther, I am a better person: a better mom, a better wife and a better human being. The world is just a better place when we are together. Well, at least that's what I feel. I wish we would never have to be apart again. It would just be terrible and heart-wrenching. If God would give me the chance to wake up to my husband's face every morning, I would certainly be one happy and content woman.